Just Give Me A Reason
by DreamUsFinchel
Summary: Sometimes, all you need is a reason is to heal; a reason to love; a reason to surrender. But when all that you have is shattered into millions of pieces, can you still find that reason? Is your happiness going to be to be yours again one day? Future Finchel.
1. Maybe

**MAYBE**

Disclaimer: We are obviously not Ryan Murphy and do not own nor Glee, nor any of the characters involved. **The song used in that chapter is "Maybe" by Emeli Sandé.** I suggest you go listen to it while reading the chapter; it really is a good song! (- ItsFinchelLove3) And as if you didn't already know it, the title is from the song "Just Give Me A Reason" by the amazing and talented P!nk. Enjoy!

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_When we first moved in together_  
_Couldn't keep hands off each other_  
_Now we're lying back to back_  
_In silence in the black_  
_We use to laugh until we cried_  
_You used to look at me and smile_  
_Now we hardly say hello_  
_And feelings never show_

**April 2018**

"We seemed so happy. Why can't we go back to that?"

It's ironic how we're never really what people think we are. For instance, to everyone, they were the perfect little couple: they were married; both had good jobs and looked so in love and settled. Perhaps this was just another way for them to run away from their problems: she would go to all his games and would cheer on him like the perfect wiffey that she ought to be, while he'd go to all her plays openings. And, each time that she'd win one of her numerous awards, he'd be there, clapping with the audience and flashing a big proud smile. However, only they knew the truth: the tears streaming down their faces weren't happy ones, far from that. They were broken and couldn't – or wouldn't – talk to each other outside the public eye.

It had been four months since they had last kissed. While her gaze was now locked everywhere, but at the empty side of the bed, her fingers were stroking her pale red lips, as if trying to remember what it had felt like. Her eyes were starting to fill up with water again and she could already feel the storm approaching. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry over him anymore, yet, it seemed like her body and mind wanted something else. Every time that she'd walk by a man on the street, every time that she'd see a girlfriend attached to her perfect boyfriend's arm, every time that she'd see a little boy running up to his mother and yelling "Mommy, mommy! Can we go see daddy now?" the only thing she'd think would be: "That should have been me that should have been us."

_All the signs seem to say love is lost_  
_but I don't wanna give up what we've got_

_Maybe_  
_You could stay a bit longer_  
_I could try a bit harder_  
_We could make this work_  
_But maybe, we should stop pretending_  
_We both know we're hurting_  
_Maybe it's time to go_

But it wasn't. They had stopped talking about having a family a long time ago, around the same time that they had stopped having sex or even sleeping in the same bed. To whoever would notice it, she'd say it was because of his snoring habits, while he'd blame it on the New York City heat. Both reasons were false: they just didn't want to have to see the other one every morning and think about what they once had.

Slowly, they've stopped talking and then smiling to each other. Later came the day when both simply stopped acknowledging the other's presence. In front of their friends, they would still be the perfect little couple that they were in High School. But once the party was over, no kiss was shared and arms were staying by their owner's side. Still, none of them has ever cheated on the other. On one of his many nights out, Finn may have thought about it once or twice–or was it thrice? –but he would never let the alcohol control his actions and he'd always wake up the next morning with a big hangover and full of guilt. The next day, breakfast would be waiting for her on the table, although there would be no sign of him; that was how she was always able to know what had happened.

For her part, Rachel's costar had always told her that whenever she would get tired of being ignored by what was supposed to be her husband, she only had to knock on his door. She had done it once: two bottles of wine later, he had closed the distance between them two and pressed his lips to her. She had given in to the feeling of being loved by a man, but, as soon as his hands had started to venture a little bit further, she had pushed him off and quickly went back to their house. She had found Finn on the couch as if waiting for her. Without saying a word, she had kissed him on the cheek to relieve herself from her culpability and had gone to sleep: no words had been exchanged, but they both knew what that meant: maybe this was the beginning of the end.

_We broke up last Sunday night_  
_Keep on thinking 'bout the fight_  
_Rest my head against the wall_  
_Your bags are by the door_  
_Then your key turns in the lock_  
_You see me on the stairs and stop_  
_Have you had a change of heart_  
_Can we go back to the start_

The morning he left, a big fight had just occurred. She had accused him for what had seemed like the thousandth time of having an affair while he had said that she was "just a bitch who didn't care about anything else than her shitty job and couldn't even realize when her marriage was falling apart". They've both said words that they didn't mean, but still, none would take them back. Without a single glance backward, he threw his keys in the designated bowl and started walking toward the door. He did write a note earlier saying where he'd be staying, just in case she'd need to contact him, but no xo's or other affectionate words were added. Silence was filling the house, just like it had been for the last few months. Finally, her eyes met his, pleading him not to leave her alone. She knew he was just waiting for her to say the words; that he only wanted to hear her admit that all this was just a big mistake and misunderstanding and that they could go back to the time where they were truly happy. But she simply couldn't bear herself to say a word. Her mouth was dry from all the crying and no sound would come out. Her lips were trembling and her hands shaking, but still, she just turned around and slightly went back to her bedroom.

With the sound of the door closing, he knew that he wasn't welcome here anymore and that now was the time to leave. He quickly grabbed the handle and, opening the door, exited the apartment. He went past the hallway where they would always kiss before, past the elevator where their neighbors had caught them making out uncountable times and, finally, past the apartment building in which their once cheerful home was located. His brown eyes were joyless and his lips, pressed in a single line, were threatening to let out a muffled cry. He didn't want the world to know that he had failed his marriage and that his wife wouldn't even look at him in the eyes anymore, let alone talk to him. For the first time in many years, he felt like a Lima-loser all over again. His career was going down due to his many alcohol excesses, his family was broken and even his brother had taken the side of his wife. He couldn't imagine what would happen once she'd ask the divorce: he already felt as if he was at the bottom, could it be worse?

A tear slowly made its way through his eyelashes, but he quickly brushed it off. He was a fighter and he had decided to show the world that he was better than all of them, than her. She wouldn't get the best out of him and even though he had loved her one day, did it mean that his life was over? Hell no. However, his heart knew better. Never in a hundred years he'd be able to live without his star by his side. She had made him who he was and now that he was crawling on the floor, well he couldn't get up again. He was tired of fighting, tired of being the bad man, tired of being alone. His life didn't make any sense anymore and he was sure that he could end it right here, right now that no one would care. At least it was pretty clear that his wife wouldn't: what she had done had said it all. Who knows, maybe that's what he was going to do…

_But all the signs seem to say love is lost_  
_But I don't wanna give up yet because_

_Maybe you could stay a bit longer_  
_I could try a bit harder_  
_We could make this work_  
_But maybe, we should stop pretending_  
_We both know we're hurting_  
_Maybe it's time to go_  
_Maybe it's time to go_  
_("Maybe it's time to go")_  
_Maybe it's time to go_  
_We could make it work_  
_We could make it work_

She used to tell her fathers that one day she'd get married with her Prince Charming, have many children, live in a beautiful white house on Manhattan, and all of that while singing on Broadway seven times a week. She used to think that life would be simple, that she'd get everything that she wanted the second she'd ask for it and that once acquired, well no one could take it away from her. But what she didn't know is that God, sometimes, has other plans for you. He wants you to suffer, to bawl your eyes out and to beg him to stop and to just give you back the perfect life that you yearn for. Nevertheless, she has come to the point where she understands that God doesn't give a damn about you: you're just one of the many puppets he likes playing with and when he thinks your life is a little bit too easy, what does he do? He puts you on the fastest and most dangerous ride of all. You may be yelling, crying, throwing things at him, he simple does not care.

Her back leaning on her door and her knees threatening to break, she was finally letting herself cry and do everything that she had not wanted to do before, scared that he'd hear her, scared to be vulnerable. Her desperate cries were resounding in the entire apartment and the neighbors were starting to get worried.

"_Why? Why me? Why did you take my life away? Why do you want me to suffer that much? Do you find it funny? Hugh? Do you think it's funny to see a poor woman on the floor begging you to give her back her love? Is that what you want?_"

So many whys and questions were being thrown everywhere, but still, no answer was coming her way. It's when her eyes caught sight of what was turned upside down on her dresser that she stopped everything. She made her way toward the frame and, taking it in her hand, finally gave herself the time to look at the photograph and smile. It was a picture of the two of them on their honeymoon: he was looking at her as if he had never been more proud while she was trying to act funny in front of the camera. She still remembered that day like it was yesterday. She had asked a stranger if he could take a picture of them at the top of the Eiffel tower and had decided to act silly on that one, just so Finn would never be able to say again that she was always taking posing before the camera way too seriously. Going through those memories again made her think that maybe all wasn't lost and that there was still a chance for them two to win that fight. But God, was she hurting! She didn't even know how to love anymore. Her mind was going a mile a minute and before she knew it herself, she was running out of the house.

Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run.

She didn't know where she was going, but frankly, she didn't care. Every single minute that she and Finn had passed together – the bad like the good ones – was replaying in her head and a big smile was plastered on her face. The first time they had kissed in the auditorium, the first time he had called her beautiful, the first time she had said I Love You, the first time they had made love to one another as husband and wife, the first time they had taken a bath in their new apartment … by then, tears were streaming down her face and she could hardly breath. Withal, she continued running and didn't stop until she was close enough to see a brown door waiting for her.

_248, Ap. C – 56__th__ avenue_

A mirror was hanging by the door and she looked at herself. Her hair were messy, she had some mascara running down her cheeks – which made her look like a raccoon –, she was wearing an old grey t-shirt way too big for her and some sweatpants that she had bought a long time ago when … when … well, when the incident had happened … But for the first time in her life, she didn't care about all this. She didn't care that she looked desperate, pathetic, and sad, and all the other synonyms of these words: she only cared about one thing.

So she knocked on the door, three short knocks, and waited. She didn't know if he was there, hell she didn't even know if this was the good apartment. But she had a feeling in her guts that somehow, this was the place where she was supposed to be. She waited for what seemed like an entire year, until someone finally opened the door.

It was obvious that he was taken by surprise. They had just left each other a few hours ago and it surely wasn't on good terms. But yet, there she was, looking like she had just woken up and ran a marathon.

"_Rachel. I, euh... What're you doing here?_"

"_I just. I, I, I needed to see you._"

_Maybe you could stay a bit longer_  
_I could try a bit harder_  
_We could make this work_  
_But maybe, we should stop pretending_  
_Both of us are hurting_  
_Maybe it's time to go_  
_Maybe it's time to go_  
_Maybe we could make this work_  
_Maybe it's time to go_  
_Maybe we could make this work_  
_Maybe it's time to go_

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**Author's note: Okay, so here it is, our first chapter. We've worked so hard on this story and can already affirm that we know where it is going. This first chapter is kind of special since it is the one that "united" us in a way. ItsfinchelLove3 wrote it, DreamMeCory read it and *****bam*****, a contribution was created. We wrote all the other chapters together and are pretty proud of them.**

**Do not be afraid to review (and follow of course…), we would like to know if you guys like/love what we've done.**

**Written by (Twitter names) ItsFinchelLove3 and DreamMeCory.**


	2. Bad Day

Bad Day

Disclaimer: We are obviously not Ryan Murphy and do not own nor Glee, nor any of the characters involved. **The song used in that chapter is "Bad Day" by James Blunt.**

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**Where is the moment we needed the most?**

**You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost**

**They tell me your blue skies fade to grey**

**They tell me your passion's gone away**

**And I don't need no carryin' on**

- _Seriously, can you remind me of when was the last time that you had good sex Berry?_ asked Santana as if it was the most normal question ever. _I swear that every time I see you, it's like you've changed! Doesn't Finn go down on you these days?_

Rachel raised her head to look straight into her best friend's eyes, a furious look on her face.

- _Seriously, do you have to speak so harshly in a restaurant where people can hear us? Plus, I don't think it's any of your business what Finn and I do. You know I don't like to talk about it!_ answered Rachel without mentioning the fact that the words Finn, sex and together weren't really an option anymore. She didn't want to spend time thinking about it, so she focused on what her friend was saying.

- _Babe, you know I don't care about what others people think..._

- _Well, I d-_

- _Let me finish! And please listen carefully to what I'm going to say! I don't do feelings very well, as you know_, Rachel tried a smile and shrugged a little, very knowingly. _But do you actually realize that you've become less and less Rachel Berry and more and more Rachel Boring? No, not boring, just lifeless. Nobody has noticed, but, as the perfect friend that I am, I did and I'm kind of worried,_ slowly said Santana while watching Rachel's reaction.

- _I don't know what you're talking about. Really, I'm fine. I have my period so maybe I'm a little bit tired, but I'm good. I promise._

Rachel may have been a good actress but even her wasn't buying it. There were days that were harder than others; she was getting tired of hiding herself behind a mask to her family and her friends. Acting was her job and her life now. As soon as she and Finn would come out of their house, they would act like everything was okay when, in fact, all they wanted to do was kill each other. She tried to escape any further questions by eating the tofu salad that she had order, but she knew that Santana was never going to leave her alone. But she could always hope, right?

- _I really hate you right now. I'm a lesbian, okay! So I have to deal with my periods _and_ the ones of all my girlfriends, so I kinda know that these don't last months, okay? Because, yeah, it's been months that you're acting weird. So now, either you tell me what's happening, or I leave you here all alone, eating that salad that you must really like seeing the way you're looking at it,_ she was getting really impatient right now, but she was sick of seeing her closest friend acting that way. Her words must have touched something seeing that Rachel was trying her best not to break down in a public place. Santana almost regretted what she had done, but at least now she was really sure that Rachel was indeed hiding something from her.

**The night before…**

- Rachel. I, euh... What're you doing here? _asked Finn, a little bit taken by surprise as to what his wife was doing here._

- I just. I, I, I needed to see you.

_Finn appeared as if he didn't believe a word of what she was saying. He looked around them and let Rachel in when he saw that a weird neighbor was staring at them quite strangely. Closing the door behind her, he stared at it in complete silence for a couple of minutes before finally turning around and breaking the silence._

-Why?

- _Why_ what?

- Why did you need to see me? Surely didn't seem like it yesterday.

_His words were emotionless and his eyes not even able to look at her directly. His hands, in his pockets, were fidgeting with his keys and Rachel was starting to get nervous. She had never seen him like this: so distant, almost as if he had actually forgotten how important she was _supposed_ to be in life._

- Like it or not Finn, you're still my husband. And I love you. And as much as it hurts right now to talk to you, or even to just look at you, I need you. You were my first love dammit, can't you see that all this shouldn't have happened. Please Finn! Look at me!

- What do you want me to say? _yelled Finn who was starting to get angry._ Do you really think that I can forget what you did, just because you tell me that you love me? It's ironic how one minute you're almost asking me to leave and the next one, well, you're here begging me to give you another chance! Well guess what, I'm not going to! You deserve everything that you've gotten: you chose your work over everything else in your life and, now, it's the only thing that you have. You've just got to learn how to live with that.

- I've never meant to hurt you in any way, and you know it! What did you want me to do? You're not home most of the year, and when you are, it's as if we're not even married! You were the one talking about having a family, I wasn't. I just wanted my husband and my beautiful white house on Manhattan. I wanted my perfect life but no, you Sir had to ruin everything!

- I'm sorry, _me_? How did I ruin everything? At least I wasn't the one flirting with everyone! If maybe you had been more careful and clear as to what you really wanted, then none of this would have happen!

- Oh no, don't you dare blame this on me! This wasn't my fault! If you had paid more attention to me, maybe then-

- Maybe then what, Rachel? Maybe then I would have noticed? Maybe then it wouldn't have happened? Maybe then you wouldn't have killed our future? Maybe then you would have told me the most important thing that could ever happen to us? Oh jeez, you're right! In fact, why don't I just go jump off a bridge right now, since all this is my fault? After all, I'm the one who has acted like a complete bitch. I'm the one who's cold hearted.

_His words stabbed her right in the centre of her heart and, as if that wasn't enough, turned the knife a couple more times, just so she could really feel his pain. Tears now streaming down her cheeks up to her jaw, and her nose and eyes swollen, she could hardly say a word. Her hands were trying to hold on to something, just so she wouldn't fall under the weight of what he was implying. _

- How… how… how… How can y-you sa-ay somethi-ing like that? _she said through the tears._ You know I wasn't thinking clearly and it's not like I never had the intention to tell you. I wanted to, I promise, I just didn't know how…

- You see Rachel, that's the problem. You didn't know, you never know. You always think about your shitty self, about what's best for Miss I-Am-Better-Than-Anyone, but never have you ever thought about what I wanted, about what would make _me_ happy. But in a way, you're right: I should have guessed that not even something like that could have changed you: you had always decided everything in our what-seemed-perfect life and don't get me wrong, I was okay with that. However, that was way bigger than anything else. You choosing the movie that we're watching or the restaurant that we'll go to with my mother: fine. But this? Hell no. I've come to the conclusion that I deserve better-

- No please, Finn, no. You can't d-

- than you. You're just a little whore and it's not gonna change because of this: you'll always be this selfish girl who doesn't give a damn about her husband. But you see, I'm tired of being that husband. I have a life, Rachel. I have a family, friends, an international career and fans all over the world. My life isn't over because of this, but yours? Who knows?

_If Rachel hadn't been so desperate to make him see that she was still the girl he had fallen in love with, maybe then she would have seen that he didn't mean a word of what he had just said. But instead, her pride took over and she quickly changed her attitude. Passing a hand through her hair and lifting her chin up as if to say_ "I simply don't care", _she regained her composure and said with a voice full of confidence:_ "Well, do you want a divorce now?"

- Actually, no. A divorce would only bring more attention to our 'problems' and that's the last thing that I want. In fact, I think I'll go back home.

- Hmm what? Didn't you just say like two minutes ago that you thought I was a "_selfish whore that didn't care about anything else than her_"? _she said, making quotation marks in the air to mark his words._

- Yes that's true, and I'm still sticking to my words, but I simply cannot stand to sleep in this crappy apartment. It's John's, but it's been a year since he didn't use it. Unfortunately, I cannot say as much for the spiders that seem to have adopted this place. So, since we have two guest bedrooms in our penthouse – which _you_ have chosen - why can't I live there?

- But… but… but-

- Listen, I know that this will probably be hard, but I do not plan on making you suffer as much as you did with me. I promise I will be as civil as I can be and that no one has to know that our marriage is simply not what it was before. We'll think about the rest another day, when we'll both have had time to think about what we want. I'll see you tonight. Or maybe not, 'cause I might already be in my room when you'll get home…

_With that, he opened the door and, with his hand, made a sign that signified that it was time for her to leave, just like it was for him earlier. Without saying another word or even glancing at him, Rachel left. On her way home, she found herself being confused and a simple question wouldn't leave her head: had she just lost her husband?_

- _Rachel? You're still there?_

- _Euh, what? … Hmm, yes, yes I am. I just can't talk … about it right now. I don't want to. Another day, I promise, but now it's too hard for me. If I told you, it would just be more real. Okay? Please Tana._

One single tear fell on her cheek, the first one in front of someone whom she loved and that wasn't her husband. Her walls that she had built were starting to tumble down and she couldn't do a thing about it.

- _Fine. Just tell me that I'm awesome then. I don't hear it enough, do I?_ said Santana, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

- _Oh, please! You know that's not true! Every single person loves you! At least until they hear you talk…_ said Rachel, a little bit too proud of her own joke.

- _Wow, you're being a bitch right now! But I gotta admit, that is a little bit true! I'm amazing anyway, though! _

- _Yes you are, even when you're trying to not be into feelings when we all know that, in fact, you do have a very sweet heart!_

- _Urghh, I'm not hearing you right now, short Hudson-Berry! Want a drink?_ Santana didn't even wait for an answer and immediately called the waitress.

- _I'll take a mojito please, _asked Rachel.

- _Make it two, beautiful,_ added Santana while checking out the waitress who was leaving after having taken their order. _Damn, that girl's got a fine ass! _

Rachel just rolled her eyes, not even bothering to say something. After all these years of being friends with Santana, she was quite used to her kind of-rude talking. Still, she was such a good friend that Rachel would never trade her, not even for a billion bucks. They went on talking about life and clothes and didn't see the time passing. They were just enjoying each other's presence like they used to in college, before the crazy schedule and husbands (or girlfriends) came along.

She let her keys fall onto the table once she got home. She didn't try to see if Finn was there, it wasn't any of her business after all. Plus, the only think that she could hear was the sound of the refrigerator, so she guessed that he was still at work, or maybe at John's. Now that she was thinking about it: who was that John? …

Glad that she finally had some time to herself to think, she went into her bedroom and just lay on the bed. Like Santana had said, she had changed and she couldn't even recognize herself anymore. Some people would say that it was depression, but it was really weird to think that Rachel Barbra Berry could be depressed. She refused to use that adjective when referring at herself, but still, she knew that she had to do something to go back to what she was before. Finn wanted a divorce - or a "separation" as he would call it -? Fine, she was ready to do whatever he wanted her to, given how they were for the last four mouths. Once again, she had failed in her life, but what was the point in blaming herself forever? She wasn't good enough for him, she had to realize it and act the right way. He was the love of her life; he deserved better... She was miserable, yes, but it would be selfish of her to let him be as miserable as her. She had already done enough to him. Why again...? If only she could go back to that day. She would go see him right away and confess everything. At least he would have known and maybe he could have stayed by her side and enjoyed the last moments of love with her. Maybe they would have been able to go through this without reaching their breaking point…

It was already 11pm and, suddenly, she wasn't feeling very well. Her head was aching and she was really tired so, after she brushed her teeth and put on her pajamas, she went straight to bed. What she wasn't expecting was for Finn to knock on her door.

- _Um, yeah come in, _she said weakly, trying to keep her heartbeat low.

Finn came in wearing a jean and a t-shirt that she had offered him two years ago for Valentine's Day. He had loved it as it had 'Journey' wrote in big letter on the back. He was so harsh when he talked that it almost hurt her to see him so emotionless.

- _Well, I'm going to move back to Lima for a while as soon as I find a place to stay in. I don't know how long it will take, but I hope it won't be long. You don't see a problem, do you?_ he asked while looking into her eyes as if he was asking for something else than moving out. Where was the Finn that she had fallen in love with?

- _Do you really hate me so much that you can't even stand to live in the same house as me? What about what you said earlier?_

Sitting on her bed – their bed – she waited for his answer. He stayed silence, just watching her. Their eyes were looking deeply into each other's, as if they were trying to communicate through their stares.

- _I could never hate you_, he said slowly. It was the truth. He despised her, maybe, but he couldn't hate her.

- Then why are you talking _to me like I was a stranger?_ her tears were now threatening to flow, but she refused to let him see her cry. _As if moving out is normal and meant to be._

- _All I have to say is that you're the one who made me who I am now. _

With that, he left her, closed the door and went into the kitchen. It took him all of his willpower to say those words like it wasn't touching him, but he wouldn't let her see how bad she had broken him. His heart and life were now empty. After all this time, he thought that the pain and anger would ease, but seeing her everyday had reminded him of what she had done. He could no longer continue to live like this, so he had taken his guts and told her that it was over. He had to move on, to be happy. He knew deep inside that he was never going to love someone like he had loved her, but it didn't mean that he didn't have the right to at least try. He missed their epic love though... Or as they would call themselves: Finchel. If only their friends knew… but they wouldn't even believe that they had lost everything. While sitting on the couch, he realized that he was crying over her again. "_Adult life sucks_" he thought.

On the other side of the wall, Rachel cried herself to sleep too. She was praying for a return to the past, for everything to be back to normal, for them to be in love once again.

**Sometimes the system goes on the blink**

**And the whole thing it turns out wrong**

**You might not make it back and you know**

**That you could be well oh that strong**

**And I'm not wrong**

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**Author's note: First of all, we would like to thank all of you for the reviews and the follows, we are so happy you have no idea ****. We know that for now, it's pretty sad but we do believe in Finchel so you have to believe in us. It's our first fanfiction as a team so we hope you like it. Don't stop reviewing, because it makes us fangirling A lot. And by the way we have 8 chapters written for now and will be posting every Saturday. Until Next Chapter! Don't forget to smile **


	3. Madness

**Here it is, our third chapter! We have gotten some reviews from you, guys, and we would just like to personally thank you all for those. We love reading and knowing what you like (or dislike…) about our story! **

**And to the reader (algold29) asking if Rachel has gotten an abortion or something, here's our answer: who knows?;) But don't worry; everything will be answered in the next chapter…**

**Now, last, but not least, have fun reading it! And here's the title of this chapter's song: Madness by Muse. Wonderful song, beautiful lyrics and it totally fits our story.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Glee or anything related to it and the song used in the chapter isn't by us.**

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MADNESS

_I... I can't get these memories out of my mind._  
_And some kind of madness,_  
_Has started to evolve, mmn._

_And I... I tried so hard to let you go._  
_But some kind of madness_  
_Is swallowing me whole, yeh._

_I have finally seen the light._  
_And I... have finally realized._  
_What you mean..._  
_And now, I need to know if it's real love._  
_Or is it just Madness,_  
_Keeping us afloat, mmm._

Every little girl dreams of her wedding with her Prince Charming and, of course, of what their life together will look like. Some of them will have a secret diary with the words "_Do not read… except if you're me!_" while others will just go out and scream their plans to everyone. But, at the end of the day, one thing remains the same: they all wish for love, the purest and the simplest of all. However, there's one warning, one precaution, that the world is not giving us: love is dangerous. Someone really intelligent once said that it was actually "the most powerful magic of all" and it couldn't be truer. After all, you give yourself completely to someone without knowing what he'll give you back. You only hope that, one day, your heart will be content and that your life will finally be perfect. Can it though?

* * *

Rachel was sitting at the table, reading the new People magazine that had just arrived, when Finn walked in. Sporting jogging pants and a purple hoodie on top of a grey t-shirt, he was just coming back from the gym. She stared at him while he went over to the kitchen sink, put his mouth directly under the tap and drank some water.

- _You know there are glasses that are made just for that purpose, right?_ she said, a little bit annoyed that he wouldn't care to be more "neat".

- _Seriously? Wow, no I did not know that. I can't believe my entire life has been a lie up until now. Thank you so much; I finally know why I wasn't able to sleep. _

- _Urgh, whatever. I'll just go take a shower. You might wanna take one too, you kinda stink._

- _I thought that was the whole point of going to the gym!_

Rachel didn't answer and just closed the bathroom door behind her. The last few days had literally been hell. Her and Finn hadn't engaged in any "fights" yet, but, everyday, they would argue about at least one stupid thing. How he would always leave the toilet seat up – "You used to never do that, why is it soo difficult now?!" – how she would always sing before 7 am – "Can't you just wait till the sun is at least up?!" – and how they wouldn't agree on what to say to their family – "They need to know the truth!" "Not yet, I said!" – had now seemed to become their only subject of discussion.

Every single thing that she was doing was driving him crazy and it was absolutely mutual. They didn't know how to act in front of each other, nor did they know how to act in public. At least, before, they were still a couple so it was easier for them to pretend that everything was normal and fine. Now that they were not even together anymore, it's like they had forgotten the simplest things in life: how to kiss, how to hold their hands or even how to look at each other. Everything seemed weird and unnatural and, while they had tried their best in front of their friends and family, everyone had noticed the awkwardness between the two.

When Rachel would get too close to Finn or when his hands would accidentally touch hers, they would immediately jump apart and make sure that at least five safe feet were separating them. They used to be this "_Urgh guys, can't you get a room?_" couple, now they were more like a "_Don't mind me, you can have sex right here, as long as I know that you're both getting some!_" couple. Slowly, they had drifted apart and had started to act like an old couple, even though they were still very much young. Love hadn't faded away, but it wasn't hiding in their pockets 24/7 anymore. Each had often needed to take time to mull over their relationship and see if it was still one of their priorities. Normally, the answer would always be yes, but when _that_ had happened, both minds had started to venture to the "no" part and no coming back was possible. Damages had been made and God only knew if they were repairable. Love hadn't died yet, but it had certainly taken a trip to Europe and many hours were separating them and their old selves.

* * *

Water had started to run cold and Rachel, as much as she wanted to stay in, knew that hiding in her bathroom for the rest of her life wasn't the answer to her problems. One day they would have to talk and face all of their demons. But for now, she couldn't help, but think about all the things that they should have been doing if she hadn't been so stupid. His birthday was coming up and she knew that it was haunting him just as much as her. Usually, they would take a day off, enjoy each other's company, eat in a wonderful and expensive restaurant, before finishing the evening – or night – in bed, proving how strong their love was. However, this year was different. None had said a word about that special day and none was planning to. The silence and awkwardness had convinced them that a separation was the right thing to do, no matter how hard it was. It would probably lead to a divorce, which would be so much more difficult, but for now, just the idea of them not being an item anymore was enough.

To say that Finn was depressed was an understatement. He hadn't been eating, was overly stressed about the next football season and, on top of that, both Puck and Kurt hadn't stopped asking him about his marital problems. They wanted to know what had caused the river to overflow and why, every time that they would see him, no spark would be lighting his eyes. It's like he was dead, except he was not. He was getting tired of Kurt and his annoying remarks on how he should pay more attention to Rachel and her needs – as if he was doing any better with Blaine – and Puck was his best friend, not his therapist.

He had thought about going to see a shrink, but, every time the idea would come up, he would always brush it off and say that it was only for people with real problems. And, of course, being married with a shitty wife wasn't one. So he would do the only thing he was still good at: drink. He would drink till the sun would fall, drink till the sun would rise. From dawn to dusk and dusk to dawn. When Puck had called yesterday morning, he had been sitting on the floor of his wardrobe, drinking away his problems for the thousandth time. Puck had obviously noticed that his friend wasn't in good shape and that his upcoming birthday was a subject to avoid. Therefore, he did the only thing he could think of: invite him over to his house before he does something really stupid.

* * *

Finn was sitting in the living room and had just finished a call with his agent when Rachel walked in. This season was going to be hard and he knew it. "Sources" were starting to talk to the press about their failed marriage and he knew that, soon enough, their families would be calling to know if everything was okay. His contract was still good for two seasons, but he was approaching the thirties and everyone knew that that was never good for an athlete. He had been part of an annual charity game for over four years now, but it seemed that the organizers didn't want any bad publicity this time and that they had decided to send him on "a vacation".

- _Finn? Can I talk to you?_ shyly said Rachel from the doorframe. She looked so small in those oversized clothes. He used to love when she'd dress in his clothes and would always say that it was the only way for him to "see the real her, the woman behind the make-up and all the designer shirts and skirts." Yet, today, the reason behind that choice of clothes was turning him off more than anything. He could still remember the day his whole life had crashed down and the clothes that she had been wearing: they were really similar to today's.

- _What do you want? I thought you wanted us to stay away from each other as much as possible._

- _No, I said that maybe it was better not to talk, just so we could avoid fighting. But, as you've probably already noticed, it didn't work really well-_

- _And I wonder whose fault it is…_ he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear all the disdain in his voice.

- _Well certainly not mine! I'm not one to start a feud because someone really talented wants to improve in her work!_

- _Oh, of course you're not! We all know what an angel you are!_

- _I've never said that either._

- _No, b-_

- _Anyway, I'm not here to talk about your hatred for me. I'm here to talk about your birthday and what you want to be doing about it. Now, don't try to deny that this wasn't always a joyful moment for the two of us, I can still remember very clearly the smile plastered on your face every time that the sun would rise. And what about you always saying "_If only it could be my birthday all year long, just so every day could be as perfect as this one_"? You weren't bluffing then for sure. Now, I-_

- _There's nothing to talk about._

- _What?_

- _You've heard me. There's nothing to talk about. You can still take a day off if you want, but I will not be a part of it for sure. I talked to Puck earlier today and he's invited me over to spend a "_fucking weekend of boys with my bro_" at his house._

- _Oh, well I see._

Rachel's smile had faded and she was trying her best to fight back tears. Finn's birthday had always been their thing and to learn that he had already planned something else with someone else was making her sick. Maybe it was time for her to move on, but maybe she wasn't ready for it. He hadn't found a house yet in Lima and, as far as she was concerned, it could take years that she wouldn't care. If it meant having her _Finny Bear_ by her side, then she was more than happy.

-_Listen_, he said on a tone of voice full of comfort, _it's not that I don't want to spend it with you, it's just that, you know, it's already been awkward enough like this that I don't think us spending the day together would feel right. I know that it's still hard for you, bu-_

- _Wait, what? It's "_hard for me_"? What about you? I didn't know you were having so much fun seeing our marriage and what we've built together coming to an end! _

- _I did not mean it that way. It's ju-_

- _Oh no, please spare me the "_you're the one who got dumped_" talk! I'm sure that's exactly what you meant! For you, I'm just a desperate girl trying to win back her husband. But guess what: that will not be happening. You told me that I would not have a second chance and that's exactly what I needed to move on with my life. In fact, I was here to tell you that we would NOT be able to go out on your birthday, since I had a date! Yes Sir, you've heard right: I have a date with a guy ten times more interesting than you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to call Santana so that she can advise me on which panties to wear: we never know how we'll be ending the night after all._

On that note, Rachel left him alone, his jaw on the floor. A week ago, she had been begging him to give her another chance and now what? How could she have found a guy to go out with that quickly, but most importantly, who was he? He couldn't think of anyone, but that stupid costar of hers. "_That son of a bitch!_" he said to himself before finally throwing his phone against the wall. He was due to get a new one anyway… Why it was bothering that much was beyond him, but trying to picture Rachel on a date with someone else than him was doing weird things to his stomach. Bad things and he didn't even know why.

* * *

**The next day…**

- _Happy Birthday Finnegan Christopher Screamer Hudson!_ yelled Puck, jumping on him the second that he opened the door. _Man, you're 29 and I swear that your face shows it! You've changed so much since last week! Unbelievable! You're so mature and look so-_

- _Puck, cut the shit please. I didn't change at all and I really don't know why you keep adding "Screamer" to my name. I am not_, answered Finn while entering Quinn and Puck's little house. _Thanks for the invitation though, it's been a long time since we've played video games for hours._

- _Yes, but please don't break any glasses this time guys_, interrupted Quinn.

- _Yes my love_, quickly replied Puck, which made Finn chuckled. It was funny how the bad boy was always becoming a puppy whenever his wife was around.

- _Hi Quinn! Nice to see you. You're glowing today!_ said Finn before kissing her cheeks to greet her. While it had been awkward between them at the end of their relationship, the years had made them grow as friends and they weren't rude to each other anymore. In fact, Quinn had even become one of Rachel's closest friends.

- _Oh why, thank you! And happy birthday! I know how much you love birthdays! By the way, is Rachel coming later or not? It's been so long since I've last seen her! I wonder what has happened to her-_

- _No, she isn't. It's just the three of us tonight. _

Quinn awkwardly smiled and glanced at Puck. She moved her head to the side, trying to gain her husband's attention and push him to say something.

- _Babe, maybe we should tell him. You know, now that he's here…_ she not so subtly whispered.

- _Oh sure, why not! Actually, best friend of mine, we will be spending the evening with a new person that I'm sure you will love!_

Finn was rarely seeing Puck so excited. Apart from sex and video games, of course. He saw him move over behind Quinn and close his arms around her waist to touch her belly. But Finn being Finn, he wasn't catching what they were hinting at.

- _Oh, cool, who is it?_ asked Finn, oblivious to everything.

- _For now we don't know, but we will be able to see in two months_, said Puck, not believing how is friend could not have caught on yet.

- _Huh, so someone is coming tonight, but we'll only know who it is in two months? You're being weird right now. I love you, but it's weird._ Both Puck and Quinn were looking at him incredulously, but still, he could be so naïve sometimes…

- _For God's sake, I'm pregnant, Finn! And we'll only know the sex of the baby in two months, that's why it's weird_, laughed Quinn while lightly kissing Puck on the mouth.

Finn smiled and went to hug his best friend, then Quinn. While he forced himself to be happy for them, he couldn't help, but feel jealous of their happiness. Nobody would have thought that they would be the perfect little couple, married and with a child on the way. But they deserved it, so he owed them to be happy.

- _Jeez, this is awesome! The baby is gonna be awesome! With an awesome uncle! Everything is just… awesome!_ teased Finn.

- _With an even more awesome Godfather! If it's okay with you, of course, _said Puck, looking at Finn with a big smile on his face.

- _Wai-_

- _Before you ask, the awesome Godfather is you, man_, rephrased Puck, hugging his best friend another time.

In that moment, Finn teared up a little, but forced his tears back in before they could fall. He had to be a man and a man didn't cry, right? Right?

- _Sure! It would be my pleasure. I love you guys so much!_

- _Great! Now, Finnessa, come over here and play with me before I'm a full time Dad!_

* * *

An hour later, they had decided to take a little break; Puck had gone in the kitchen where Quinn was cooking to grab more beers and gave one to Finn right after sitting back on the couch beside him.

- _So hmm, I don't know how to say this, but… why isn't Rachel with you?_

Finn really wanted to talk about it and Puck was the only friend that he could trust with his life. However, just opening his mouth seemed so difficult. But deep down inside, he knew that he owed him the truth.

- _Because we're getting a separation_, finally answered Finn, his eyes glued to his beer.

- _WHAT? Is this a fucking joke?_ asked a very shocked Puck.

- _Unfortunately, no. But God, were we such great actors? _

- _But you guys were, are Finchel! Okay, you have a lot to tell me and do not spare any fucking detail!_

And just like that, Finn put his beer aside and confessed everything, still leaving out the most important part though. He judged that the less Puck-or everyone-knew- the better it was. Little did he know that Quinn, on the other side of the wall, was listening to everything that was being said and didn't wait a second to call Rachel. She was impatient to know the truth and started talking really fast and asking tons of questions the moment that her best friend answered the phone.

- _Rachel Barbra Berry! You tell me right this moment why your husband is telling mine that you are getting separated and why I wasn't aware of that, nor suspected it!_

On the other end of the phone, Rachel breathed deeply, trying to gain her composure. So Finn had told Puck and, just like her, was finally ready to talk about it. There were decisions that had to be made and putting off everything wouldn't help, so here it was. She had made the choice to finally be free of this unbearable secret.

- _Quinn, you would do me a favor? Please?_

- _Euh yeah sure. What is it?_

- _Call Santana for me and tell her that you two need to meet me tomorrow at Starbucks at 10. I have a lot to tell you and I'd rather do it face to face. Kay?_

- _Sure. But are you okay..?_

- _As much as I can be, Quinn. I'll tell you more tomorrow. Thanks._

Quinn hung up and stared at the door dumbfounded. She never would have thought that Finchel were having a bad moment and that it could make them go their own way. She then called Santana and told her what she was supposed to. Surprisingly, she hadn't seemed as shocked as her.

* * *

The night had just started to fall when Finn came home. Lights in the living room and in the kitchen were on, but he couldn't hear anything. On the floor, clothes were discarded and he could clearly see red panties hanging on her doorknob. He knew that she had gone out on a date, but he never thought that she would have gone all the way on the first one. His heart and mind were filled with so many mixed emotions: a part of him wanted to stay angry at her, while another one was sad to see that she really had not waited for him to realize that he wanted her back.

He quickly decided to take a shower, to put his mind at ease and to forget about everything, and he made his way toward the bathroom. When he opened the door, there she was, taking a bubble bath, two bottle of champagne by her side. Her hair was wet and her legs were half buried in the hot water. She had her eyes closed and, as far as he was concerned, she had never looked more beautiful. Her right hand was holding a flute filled with champagne while her left one was absently tracing little circles on the wall.

- _Oh my, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were here!_ said Finn, covering his eyes with one hand. Still, he couldn't look anywhere else. She was just that beautiful and attractive. It had been a while since he had thought about her that way. But hell! He could never really forget their first year together or even their first year of marriage; they had been teenagers after all. And young adult with a lot of desire for each other.

- _Oh Finn, I didn't know you were already home._

She opened her eyes and straightened up a little bit. He wasn't supposed come back until tomorrow night, so she had decided to spend the night drinking away her problems, just like she knew he had been doing pretty often. She thought that if that was working for him, why wouldn't it be for her? Her wedding band was still on her finger and she buried it deep in the water so that he wouldn't notice that she was still wearing it even though she had gone out on a "_date_" the night before. No need for him to realize that the only date she had been on was with her favorite flavor of ice cream and her television. She needed to look like a woman who was in control of her entire life.

- _Yeah well, Puck and Quinn were going at it like rabbits, so I decided to leave. I'd rather be here with you than listening to the weird sounds coming out of their bedroom. Not that being here with you isn't fun; it's just that, you know. Anyway, I'll shut up now and leave. I guess we'll talk later, maybe._

- _Oh no, stay. Please. It's nothing you've never seen before, right?_

- _Yeah well you were usually not the only one naked_, he whispered, not loud enough for her to hear.

- _What?_

- _Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Is there champagne left in the bottle?_

He was now sitting on the toilet seat and none of them was feeling the need to say a word. He just sat there listening to the sound of her moving her legs in the water, while she started to lie back and relax. Minutes passed and they were all filled with a comfortable silence. It was a really peaceful moment between the two of them and they both found it relaxing and good to be with each other like this. For once, they were just enjoying a moment without arguing or yelling. Although him sitting so close to his naked soon-to-be-ex wife might have seemed awkward and weird to some, it felt right to him. Soon, he found himself playing with his wedding band in his jeans pocket. He had taken it off for the sake of appearing over her, but hadn't found the courage inside him to throw it away.

Rachel was starting to get cold and she decided that it was time for her to go to bed. She had a long day or rehearsals waiting for her tomorrow. As much as she wanted to stay here with Finn, she knew that the charm would have to be lifted soon and that all this was too good to be true. Finn hadn't forgiven her yet, far from that, he had just wanted a night without fighting. She quickly got up and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her. Looking back at Finn, she saw what she knew had always been there: that man in front of her was pure and an amazing husband. He would have been the perfect father to her child… Unfortunately, she had found the way to ruin the only good thing in her life and she would never stop blaming herself for that.

She went to turn the handle when she realized that she owed him the truth. So she quickly turned around and told him what had been haunting her forever.

- _I loved her, you know._

- _Euh, what did you say?_

- _I was scared that you would have loved her more than me. I was scared that I wouldn't have been enough, but still, I already loved her more than anything else in the world._

Then, she left just like she had months ago. Tears were making their way down her face and her wet body was drenching the floor, but she didn't care: she had finally admitted her biggest fear to the only important person in her life. She could now sleep and never wake up again that it wouldn't matter anymore, he knew and she was at peace.

* * *

Every night, you can look out the window and be sure that someone else is doing the same thing as you. We think that we know what we're getting into, but that's completely false. No one can predict what will happen, nor can someone avoid the pain and the fear that come with love. So, every night, tons of different persons across the globe look out their windows and ask themselves billions of questions: Why wasn't I enough? Why did she leave me? Will someone ever love me? Will I learn to be faithful? Will my heart finally open itself to others?

If perchance you're busy flying over all of those houses and learning about the damages that love can do to someone's life, make sure that you stop by that gigantic penthouse on Manhattan. There, you will find a handsome man lay down on the floor of his balcony, staring at the stars and thinking about how much love meant to him. There, you will finally realize that, sometimes, love is cruel enough to separate two persons meant to be together. Listen carefully and try to understand that, in the end, you are not always the master of your destiny. Who knows, maybe then you will learn that you need to figure everything out before starting to make things right.

"_Oh God, what did I do? She should have known that my love for her wouldn't have changed because of something like that. I loved her more than anything and it would have stayed the same no matter what. Yes, I was spending a lot of time practicing and away for games, but it was to have a good life and so I'd be able to buy her beautiful things. It was all for her: my life, my love, my money, everything. If only I could go back and change what I did, I would make things right this time. But now, it's probably too late, isn't it? But God, how I wish that I still had time to fix everything…_"

_And now I have finally seen the end,_  
_(I have seen the end)_  
_And I'm... I'm expecting you to care,_  
_(Expecting you to care)_  
_And I... have finally seen the light,_  
_(Have finally seen the light)_  
_And I... have finally realized,_  
_(Realized)_

_I NEED TO LOVE_

_Capture me,_  
_Trust in your dream,_  
_Come on and rescue me._  
_Yes, I know, I can't move on,_  
_Baby, you're too head-strong._  
_Our love is..._

* * *

**A/N: We hope that you've enjoyed this chapter. As some of you may have noticed, this story is filled with angst and drama and here's the simple reason to that: it is a realistic story. We believe in Finchel and there will be a happy ending for them, but for now, they need to figure everything out before they can go back to each other. But don't worry, they will.**

**Now, as with every other chapter, we would like you to review, favorite, follow and do anything that you want to to send us feedback! You can even tweet us (or follow us) on our twitter accounts: ItsfinchelLove3 and DreamMeCory. Until next time!**


	4. Undone

**Already the fourth chapter?! Jeez! We got more reviews for the last chapter so we're very glad that you guys seem to like it! Some of you are really great guesser; it's unbelievable! Seriously, thank you to everyone who reviewed and followed because it truly is what motivates us, a lot!**

**And, as we promised you, you should find answers to your questions and interrogations in this chapter, but that doesn't mean that the angst and drama will necessarily go away...**

**Now, last, but not least, have fun reading it! And here's the title of this chapter's song: Undone by ****Haley Reinhart****.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Glee or anything related to it. Plus, the song used in the chapter isn't by us.**

* * *

I'm sorry, I let me fall for you

I can erase you and forget you but I can't undo you

You're the hand I can't hold, the words I'm not told when I'm lonely

And I don't want you back, I just want to have what you took from me

To everyone, she was invisible. A tall guy carrying two cups of coffee in one hand and his cellphone in the other passed by her without even looking in her direction while a woman, who was talking very loudly with what seemed to be her mother, didn't even take time to apologize when she hit the back of her chair. Yet, there she was, looking as graceful and elegant as a homeless person. She was wearing the same joggings that she had been wearing for weeks and her hair was up in a messy bun. Other than the name of her new play written on the front of her old black and white t-shirt, nothing could lead to thinking that this miserable woman was in fact the one and only Rachel Berry.

In front of her were placed three cups of coffee, even though she had already drunk four at home. Coffee was the only thing that made her feel in control of her life: she could drink as many cups as she wanted, she knew that she'd never get sick of it. She loved coffee and she would often laugh about how it was her one true love in life. Unlike with any other "relationship", she knew that it could never break her heart or even just cheat on her. There comes a time in life when you need stability and when that's the case, the smallest thing to others can start to feel like the most important thing to you. Alcohol for some; food for others; coffee for her.

When the hands of the clock indicated 10 past 10, she started to get nervous. Her friends were supposed to meet her ten minutes ago, but there were still no signs of them. She kept checking her phone to see if there were any missed call or text. She knew that she was being unreasonable given that they were living on Manhattan and that even her had had to leave super early in order to arrive on time, but they could have at least called to say that they were on their way or something…

_Breathe, Rachel, breathe. Breathe, Rachel, breathe. _

Just when she was about to dial their numbers, the door opened and her two best friends walked in. Quinn, rocking huge sunglasses and a Chanel bag that Rachel had gotten her last Christmas, quickly went to the counter to order a big slice of that appealing raspberry cake. Santana, for her part, glanced around the café, spotted a few hot women -as usual- but didn't get distracted by it this time. She sat next to Rachel and looked at her in the eyes.

- _Hi. So I better warn you right away, I don't know what's happening with Quinn, maybe she's on her periods or Puck hasn't been going down on her as much as before -you know how she can get sometimes- but please do not annoy or even just tease her. She's been on edges for a few days now and I'd really like us to survive this painful morning. She's already yelled at me for commenting on her choice of clothes, I don't need her to ditch on us just because you've tried to take a bite of her cake. Comprendes?_

- _Hmmm, yeah, I guess. But what's happening with you? You hardly looked at any women when you came in. That seems pretty unusual to me._

- _I don't know, I guess I'm just getting sick of sleeping around, you know. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's the best sex that you could ever get, but seeing what you and Finn had, and then Quinn and Puck, I just think that maybe I could try to find someone like this for me._

- _Oh Santana, it's great that you finally know what you want, but seriously, you shouldn't take Finn and me as an example; you have great relationships as far as I know._

- _No, that's where you're wrong. I have wonderful hook-ups, not _relationships_. And how can I not take you guys as an example? You were Finchel. You've been together since High School and, although you may not feel like it right now, probably will be till death do you part._

Hearing one of her closest friends talk about her relationship as if it was still present and a possible option made her rethink her choices. She had always been so sure of herself that when Finn had announced that he wanted a separation, she had been sad at first, -of course- but then she had decided to act like a brave and strong woman and to look like she had already gotten over it. She may have fooled some people and even herself at one point, but now, she was realizing that all this was just an act and that, deep inside her, she was still seeing her and Finn as this perfect couple who one day would get married. Nonetheless, she couldn't keep chasing after her husband like a stupid teenager. She was still young and all wasn't over just because her marriage hadn't worked out the way she had planned. She quickly straightened up and confidently looked at Santana.

- _Santana, I don't think you're right. Finn and I really are broken, and those wounds? They are way too deep to heal._

- _That's where you're wrong, Berry. I'm pretty sure Finn's this tall gorgeous plastic surgeon who'll be able to sew you up and leave very little scars on your perfect tan skin: you guys are meant to be together._

- _Would you cut her some slack, Santana? She's been through so much with Finn -and I want to remind you that I expect you to tell us _everything_- and I'm sure that the last thing she needs right now is for you to point out all the reasons why her and Finn make such a cute couple_, quickly interrupted Quinn. Sitting at the table, she placed two big parts of cake in front of her -one of the raspberry cake and the one of the new chocolate tiramisu the waitress had just taken out- and started attacking the first one with her fork.

- _Woh Quinn, do you think you'll have enough cake? 'Cause if not, I think there's a pastry not too far from here that'd be ready to sell you a hundred more_, stated Santana when she saw what was on the table.

Receiving the cold death glare, she instantly shut up and turned back to Rachel. The latter had been too busy drinking her last cup of coffee and lost in her thoughts to notice the interaction between the two women in front of her.

- _So Rachel, you're gonna talk or not? 'Cause Marlene –you remember the hot waitress I met last week?- well she's kind of invited me to come over today and I don't want to seem disrespectful, but I'd rather do that than stare at you drinking your thousandth cup of coffee._

- _Santana!_ hissed Quinn.

- _No, no, that's okay. You know she's right, Quinn. I didn't ask you to meet me here today just so you could look at me acting like a wife who's just been dumped._

- _Well, isn't it what you… never mind_, trailed off Santana when she saw the disapproving look that Quinn was giving her.

- _No, Santana. There's more to the story than what you know. I haven't been sitting at home all day long and crying for the past four months just 'cause my husband didn't want me anymore. I was…oh God, how can I say this?_

- _How about you start by using words?_ jokingly suggested Santana.

- _Santana! Seriously? Can't you show at least a little empathy?_

- _Jeez, that was a joke. But fine, I'm sorry. Now go on, Berry._

- _I was pregnant,_ barely whispered Rachel.

- _WHAT?_ cried out in unison the two women in front of her.

- _What about the baby? Oh God. You should have told us, we would have been there for you. I can't imagine what you and Finn must have gone through_, continued Quinn while the other Lima girl hurriedly typed out a text to her lover to reschedule their "date".

- _Quinn, there wasn't anything that you could do: Finn didn't even know. You knew that our couple was going through a rough patch 'cause Finn was always away for games and, when he was home, I was at the theater. But still, we still loved each other deeply and always tried to support each other as much as possible. Oh and the sex was still great, 'cause you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and the lust… increase. So one night, Finn and I hadn't really seen each other for almost a month, being always busy with galas and games and practices and all, so we decided to go out for a few drinks and "rekindle the romance"_-

- _Please spare me the detail. I would very much like to finish that delicious piece of cake without throwing up_, cut Quinn in. _We know how babies are made after all._

- _Euh yeah, sorry. It just feels so good to finally be able to talk about it with someone else than my bedroom wall. So, like I was saying, Finn and I had some fun that night and came home pretty drunk. What we didn't realize was that we had forgotten to use a condom and, since I had been too busy to renew my birth control prescription, well we hadn't used any protection. So I started feeling sick and nauseous the following weeks, but always brushed it off thinking that it was just the stress of the new play and all. About five weeks later, I was trying on costumes when Anna –the costume designer- told me that the robe wasn't fitting anymore. She then asked me, you know, if I was pregnant or something since she had actually seen me rushing to the bathroom and puking my guts out a few times. And that's when I realized that I being sick was maybe not caused by the stress. So I took a test the next day, which came back positive, and started freaking out. I didn't know what to do, Finn wouldn't be home for another week and a half and my play was supposed to open in three months, but I knew that I would already be showing by then. And when Finn finally came home, I didn't have the courage to tell him and it didn't really matter 'cause he already had to leave again. I knew that he was planning on having children one day, but I also knew that now wasn't the time for it. We weren't living in a big white house yet and I couldn't see myself becoming a mother. I was scared to death and thought that maybe, just maybe, I could take care of it without Finn having to ever know. I quickly regained my senses and decided to confess everything, but I still had to wait one or two weeks for Finn to come back home. By then, I was already five or six months pregnant and starting to show. My clothes became more and more loose in order to hide it from the very present press, but Finn still had not noticed anything. One night, in December, it was snowing outside and the pavement was icy. I was walking home from the theater and was starting to get cold when-_

- _Oh God_, said Quinn, a hand over her mouth to cover a muffled cry.

- _I tripped over something. I fell on my stomach and couldn't move. Someone saw me and asked me if I was fine, but, obviously, I couldn't say the truth. So I lied and that woman helped me up and I went back home as if nothing had happened, although I was already feeling empty. The next day, I went to see my doctor and he couldn't hear a heartbeat. That baby that was inside of me and that I was growing to love had decided to leave me, just like everything else in my life. I hadn't been good enough for her; I was supposed to do one single thing and it was to protect her, but I had found a way to fail at the only important thing in life. Since I was already in my second trimester, I had to... I had to give birth to her._

By then, tears were streaming down Rachel's face, but also Santana's and Quinn's. Customers were looking at them strangely, but those women didn't care at all. They were in their own world, listening to the words of what would have made a wonderful mother.

- _The hospital called Finn while they were getting her out of me and, by the time he was there, I was done and just lying in bed. When he came in, the look on his face was so sad and I couldn't bear myself to look at him. He had been so great to me and what did I give him in return? Nothing. He had learned that he was gonna be a father and had lost that baby all in the same day, and everything was my fault. He was full of wrath and the only thing he found to say was "_Why didn't you tell me?_" For the next two weeks, him and I didn't talk. I was always locked in my room and the only time I came out was to get some food. But he was always away, either being at a bar or just sitting on the bench instead of actually playing. When he finally listened to me, the only thing he said was "_I don't care, you're the one who took her away from me_". So we started acting as if we were already divorced, although in public or in front of you guys, we decided to play it cool and just act as normal as possible. Finn wasn't ready to say anything yet, and neither was I. But then he decided that getting a separation would be for the best and so that's where we stand now. He's looking into getting a house in Lima while I'm trying not to sink on my own. _

- _Oh, Rachel_, started Santana. _Honey, I'm so sorry we weren't there for you. If we had known, we would have been by your side through all this. But you know that you and Finn will get through this. He doesn't want a divorce; he wants a separation. He'll come around one day and you and he will be united again._

- _Thanks, but I'm pretty sure it won't happen. But please don't feel sorry for me, I'm good. I promise. Yes I was hurt and angry and miserable, but everything's fine now. I've come to a point where I know that to bemoan my fate won't change anything. Finn has decided that he didn't care about me and I just need to accept it._

- _But-_

- _No buts. I don't want you to tell me that everything between him and I will be fine; I need you to help me move on. Can you do that?_

- _Yes, of course_, replied Quinn and Santana at the same time.

- _Great, now how about we get out there and go catch a movie or something? It's been a long time since we last went out just the three of us, don't you think?_

- _Sounds like an amazing plan to me_, said Quinn.

- _As long as the two of you don't force me to watch a boring chick flicks movie, I'm good_, laughed Santana.

When the three best friends came out, they were greeted by dozens of paparazzi trying to get a glimpse of Rachel.

- _Rachel! Rachel!_ yelled one.

- _Is it true what's in the magazines? Are you and Finn getting a divorce?_

- _Did you really cheat on him with Jesse St. James?_

- _What about his drugs and alcohol problems? Are you kicking him out because of those?_

It took the security guards, which were called to help, five minutes to get them out of the way and two to get the Broadway starlet and her two friends inside the car. Once safely hidden from everyone, Rachel finally relaxed and looked outside the car window. _What will it be like when they'll learn the truth? Will they still think that it's Finn's fault?_

After such a long day, Rachel came home to the peace and safety of her house. She was happy to have this place that she could call home and come in whenever she wanted to. It was one of the perks of being an adult with a stable and successful job, she thought. To say that she was tired was a big understatement. It was only 4 in the afternoon and, yet, she felt as if she had just run a marathon. It was happening more and more and she still didn't know why. She was sleeping almost fifteen hours a night, but, somehow, always felt like it wasn't enough. One minute she was fully awake and ready to do a lot of activities and the next she was feeling dizzy. One day, she and Finn had gotten into a big argument about nothing when she started feeling nauseous and really dizzy. Therefore, she went to see her old friend Jesse, who was now a famous doctor, and asked him for advice. He had said that it was probably due to the stress and all the emotions that she was feeling. He had reassured her, and told her that she could come back anytime that she wanted if she thought that something was wrong.

So when she came back home from her lunch and felt the same way, she went directly into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. When she turned the TV on, she zapped for a while before deciding on Modern Family, although she wasn't into it at all. The events of the day kept replaying in her head. The fact that reporters were now asking questions about her relationship was making things so much truer. She knew deep inside her that it was real, but her heart couldn't accept the end of it. No matter what, love is worth fighting for and what she and Finn shared was too special to give up on yet. _Gosh, my head hurts so much…_She abruptly stood up to go take a medicament. The walls were turning around her and then everything went black. She fell on the floor next to the couch with no one around her to notice.

Finn couldn't believe that he was finally team captain. How? He didn't know, but he had been dreaming of this promotion for ages. Years of hard work and they had finally given him his dream job _and_ added two millions of dollars to his contract, no matter all the scandals that he had created during the year. It was great news and he really couldn't wait to tell Rachel. She was the one that had told him months ago that he would have a big C written on his uniform one day. Moreover, people loved him for him. He was always there for his fans and ready to sign autographs and let them take pictures with him. Magazines and journals were always saying that he was "_one of the most down to earth players_" and it was finally paying off. Rachel had always believed in him and he could never deny it. Because of her, he had wanted to be a better man, but also a better player, and he was sure that she would be proud of him. "_You're an awesome player, Finn. Don't underestimate yourself,_" she used to say. He couldn't wait to tell her how right she had been all along.

With a smile, he pressed a little bit harder on the car accelerator to arrive home faster, hoping that Rachel was already there and open to talk to him. He muttered a shy _hi_ to the butler working in their building and went up to their penthouse.

- _Rach?_

No answer and no sound either. "_Well, she must have been out with the girls_," he thought. He let his jacket fall on the counter and was heading to the bathroom when something caught his eyes. He turned his head and almost screamed when he saw that Rachel was lying on the floor, unconscious. He ran to her and kneeled next to her body while touching her head and feeling her pulse point.

- _Rachel, baby do you hear me?_ he said, not caring about the fact that he had let this loving nickname slipped.

He tried his best not to freak out, but she was so white and pale. Her head moved a little to the left. He quickly went into the kitchen to take a wet washcloth and a glass of water. When he sat back next to her and placed the face cloth on her face, he took her into his arms and put her frail body onto his laps, glad that she was finally coming back to earth.

- _Shh, don't move too fast, it's okay. Take that_, insisted Finn while giving her the glass of water. She gladly took it and let him run the wet cloth over her face and neck.

- _What happened?_ she asked weakly. _Can you help me stand up, please?_

Even if she was comfortable on Finn's lap, she didn't like being this way -vulnerable.

- _No, not yet. Give yourself a little time, please. You scared me to death, Rachel. When I came home and saw you on the floor, I thought that something really bad had happened to you. You must have passed out. How are you feeling? Do you remember anything?_ Finn may have been a little bit less worried than before, but it didn't mean that he was no more interested in knowing what her problem was.

- _I feel better, but I was really tired and my head was hurting so I went to grab something to make me feel better. I guess I must have fallen down when I got up. It's the first time that it happens to me._

Finn was massaging her belly without noticing it, by instinct. It sent warmth to her body and the more time passed, the more she felt calmed. She closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling she so desperately missed.

- _It has never happened to me before, but I think it must be close to sleep. You don't know that you're sleeping, because huh you're sleeping. Do you see what I mean, or do you think I'm crazy?_ said Finn who had started rambling for no reason.

Rachel laughed slightly; he was being so him right now.

- _Yeah, I think I do._

- _What about we move you to the couch?_ asked Finn.

- _Yeah, good idea._

Finn stood up and took her hand in his to help her up. They sat on the white leather couch next to each other, looking at the TV -which was still open- in front of them.

- _Oh, I remember watching Modern Family before passing out; at least I wasn't out that long._ She said while observing Finn's face. It had been a while since she had really looked at him. He had gotten thinner maybe, but he definitely looked hotter.

- _Finn?_

- _Hmm, yes? I heard you. I wish I had been there earlier. You could have hurt yourself…_

- _I could have, but I didn't. It's okay, Finn. Euh, do you think I could maybe put my…my head on your laps, please? So that I can lie down. If...if it's okay with you of course_, she asked hesitantly. She didn't want to cross any boundaries, but she could really use a little company right now. Even more if _he_ was the said company. She was afraid of being ridiculous but she craved his touch so much…

- _Sure, come over here._

He instantly moved to the side of the couch to have more space for his and her legs. Just like old times, her head was on his laps and his left hand was on her stomach, making no move. He only had to bend his head to look at her. She had closed her eyes and looked so peaceful. The only thing he wanted to do was to bend a little bit more and kiss her. He missed seeing butterflies and fireworks every time they would kiss, but he thought that, for now, this position was more than enough. She looked a little pale, but still insanely beautiful.

What had made him change his mind during the last 48 hours? He had no idea. However, he could clearly remember the time when he hated her. Right now though, there he was, with his wife touching him, and _that_ made him feel so good. Maybe the reason why they had grown apart was because they hadn't taken proper time to "talk" about their problems. He had been too focused on blaming her and her choices. She had had to go through a miscarriage and an angry husband that hadn't cared about her at all. _God, I was awful. I was so sad that I put the entire fault on her without trying to understand her at all. I ruined everything._ He had to remember that he hadn't been the only one who had lost a child: she had too. In that moment, he decided something. He wanted to make things better. But was she feeling the same way? She had been on a date the other day and maybe she wanted to move on. Plus, he couldn't forget what she had done and he didn't know if one day he'd be able to. Nonetheless, she was still his wife for now and he could at least try to enjoy their last moments together.

- _Are you sleeping?_ asked Finn. He got his answer when she opened her eyes.

- _What did you do today? Did you have fun?_

Rachel looked at him a little bit taken aback. Why did he want to know about what she had done with her day? He was being really nice though; she must have really scared him if he suddenly cared so much about her.

- _I ate at a restaurant with San and Quinn. I had to tell them about us. Because, you know, they were asking questions so… Plus, since you had already said it all to Puck, I thought it was okay for me to explain everything too._ She waited for his answer and looked at him in his eyes.

- _Sure, you're right. It's only fair. How did they react?_ he asked. He knew that, eventually, she would have had to tell them, but it still made him a little sad to think that everyone was now aware of their problems: they couldn't hide the truth anymore. _It's not any of my business, sorry, don't tell me._

- _Oh no, that's okay. They didn't expect it, that's all._ It wasn't the entire truth, but Rachel wasn't ready to tell him the whole conversation and what their friends' opinion on their separation really was. _When we got out of the restaurant, there were paparazzi waiting for me, Finn, and-_

- _What the hell did they want?_ asked Finn, getting nervous and angry.

- _Let me finish and please calm down. They asked about us. Why we weren't going out as much as before and if what the magazines were writing about us was true. Some security guards pushed them off and help me get in the car, don't worry._

- _Great. I was afraid that someone might have told them about the, you know, the baby._ He relaxed a little knowing that their secret was still safe, but a part of him knew that they wouldn't be able to hide it for much longer.

- _No, they didn't seem to know. They think that you have a drug and alcohol problem though... Can you hand me over my phone please? I'm going to check my mentions on Twitter._

- _Hmm yeah sure. Here_, said Finn, giving her her phone.

Five minutes later, he looked at her and saw that she was smiling from ear to ear.

- _What is it? Why are you smiling like that?_

- _Eugh, what? Nothing, just something that someone sent me on Twitter._

- _Please, let me see! Don't force me to tackle you_, teased Finn.

- _Urgh fine. Here_, replied Rachel, putting her phone in his hand so he could take a look at the tweet.

FinchelisLove: _Look at my favorite couple ever. Thanks for making me believe in true love_. On the screen was a picture of the two of them from last year. They only had eyes for each other and both had a big smile plastered on their face. Something inside their gazes was screaming _love _and her hand resting on his chest showed that he was hers.

- _Oh, I see. We were cute_, calmly said Finn.

- _Yeah, we really were. Now that I think of it, we were perfect._

- _Yeah._

They stayed like this, on the couch, looking through old pictures that people would send them on Twitter. Later, when came the time to go to sleep, they each said good night and, once alone in their respective room, they thought about how true what Rachel had said had been. They really were perfect, but could they still be even after everything that had happened?

* * *

**A/N: Soooooooooo, it's starting to get somewhere, right?**

**Now, as with every other chapter, we would like you to review, favorite, follow and do anything that you want to to send us feedback! You can even tweet us (or follow us) on our twitter accounts: ItsfinchelLove3 and DreamMeCory. ****Until next time!**


	5. Perfect

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here's the fifth chapter and the first one with a smut part. We tried our very best with it and we really hope that you, guys, will like it as much as you liked the previous chapters.**

**Once again, thank you to everyone who has reviewed; we love reading you. A more personal thank you to those who took the time to review every single one of our chapters, we truly appreciate it and hope that you will continue to do so.**

**The song used in this chapter is **_**Perfect**_**, by Hedley.**

**Now, we have one last thing to say. Last night's episode was amazing and we hope that it was able to bring us all the closure that we needed. Cory was a wonderful and amazing man and he would have been proud to see what the cast and crew did for him. We shouldn't and cannot cry over his death anymore: we need to smile over every little thing that he has given us; the fire of hope that he has lit in all of our hearts needs to keep growing. We have created this story in order to honor his legacy and we are absolutely sure that that was what he would have us to do. So, please, find a way to move on with your own life and believe us when we say that it doesn't mean that you'll forget him; no one will.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Glee or anything related to it. Plus, the song used in the chapter isn't by us.**

* * *

**PERFECT**

_Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise._

_I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes._

_Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize _

_It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie._

_And as long as I can feel you holding on. I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong._

He couldn't sleep and that was scaring him even more than a giant snake or than death himself. He had never _not_ been able to sleep; laying next to Rachel had always made it easy and, when he had started sleeping on the couch every night, he had been so drunk that he had been falling asleep unconsciously, with his beer still in his hands. However, he was now nor drunk, nor next to Rachel, much to his dismay. Last night had felt amazing and so right that he had wanted to wake up and discover that all this had only been a dream –or should he say a nightmare. Unfortunately, it was still very much true and he didn't know how to act or feel anymore. What do you say to your soon-to-be ex-wife, the one you were so close to kiss the night before? Okay, so _close_ may have been an exaggeration, but at least they had been _in his head_.

_Oh God, I cannot think about this now. I gotta stay focus if I want to survive those next few months. Rachel has moved on, she's even told me so herself. _

Looking at the alarm clock on his bedside table, he realized that it was already 3am, which meant that it had been four hours since he had gone to sleep. Four hours of tossing and turning, four hours of wondering if he should or should not wake up Rachel to tell her that he thought all this was stupid and that they were meant to be together. Withal, he did not want to make any big decisions in the middle of the night, so he decided to just wait and see how Rachel would act in the morning. Although he didn't like to admit it, he knew that Rachel's rational mind could be right most of the time and that, in situations like this one, it was better to listen to a mind that mulls everything over, than to one ready to make drastic changes at three in the morning.

Still, he knew that he wasn't going to get any sleep soon and he stood up to go get a glass of hot milk –something that Kurt had taught him many years ago. He quickly threw on his boxers that were lying on the floor next to his bed and flung his bedroom door open. The whole penthouse was dark and he could barely see the outlines of the furniture. He held on to the walls and, once he finally found the interrupter, tried turning the lights on, but to no avail. Tired and not thinking clearly, he tried it a few times and was starting to get angry when he heard a small voice coming from behind him.

- _It's not working Finn_, softly said Rachel.

- _What? What do you mean by '_it's not working_'? _obliviously asked Finn.

- _There's a big power outage in the neighborhood, so nothing that requires electricity is working. I called Quinn on her cellphone and they're in the dark too._

- _Oh. I see. What are you doing up anyway?_

- _I tried going to sleep when we said goodnight, but miserably failed. I decided to watch TV or do something instead, but then the power went out like an hour ago. What about you? Don't you have a big game tomorrow or something? You know how sleep is imp-_

- _Yes, I know how sleep is important, Rachel. And technically I do, but the coach said that he was giving me this one off so that I can stay home and rest a little. And I couldn't sleep either when I remembered that Kurt used to tell me that hot milk could make anyone go to sleep faster, so I thought I'd give it a shot._

It was only then that Finn seemed to notice what Rachel was wearing. Her robe, which was loosely tied up, wasn't leaving much to the imagination and he could clearly see her red panties –his favorites. Her legs still looked as smooth and, oh god, how long, and he couldn't help but imagine every places where he had seen them _in actions_. She wasn't wearing any make-up, thanks to her nightly ritual, and the darkness surrounding them made everything so surreal. In the movies, this would be the moment where he grabs her and spins her around before passionately kissing her on the lips, but they weren't in a movie. In fact, the real life moment was just…awkward.

- _Do you want a piece of banana bread? _nicely asked Rachel. She knew that he could not resist her cooking and that never in his life had he said no to a question that included "Do you want" and food at the same time.

- _Yeah sure. But when did you make it? I certainly didn't see it in the refrigerator last night._ He would have remembered for sure. After all, the first thing he does when he comes home is to look into the fridge for anything good, and _that_ doesn't mean fruits or vegetables.

- _Hmm, about three hours ago. I was alone and hungry, the power wasn't out yet and nothing good was on TV. Plus, it had been a long time since I had baked one, being busy with the play and well, you know…_

They were now standing in the middle of the kitchen and several candles were lighting the room and giving it a romantic ambiance. The room was definitely hot and Finn was grateful that he wasn't wearing anything heavier than boxers, otherwise he would have had to take something off and _that_ would have been even more awkward than it already was. Rachel took out two plates –one for him and one for her– and cut two big slices of her famous banana bread. She then poured two glasses of milk and settled one in front of Finn. They ate in silent next to each other and only when they both dived at the same time to take the same glass did they touch and started talking.

- _Huh sorry_, said Rachel. _You can have it; I'll just take the other one. It's not as if they weren't the same size, right?_

- _Haha yeah. _

Awkward silence.

- _Sooo, euh, what were you thinking about? _continued Finn.

- _What?_

- _Well you know, you said you couldn't sleep, so I assume that you were busy thinking about something. What was it? Although I understand if you don't want to tell me…_

- _Euh no, that's okay. I was just thinking about what had happened earlier and, euh, what we had talked about. Going through those pictures with you made me realize that we had fun together. What about you?_

- _Pretty much the same thing. And about the team. And our friends. I was just thinking about life in general in fact. It may not seem like it, but I am a big philosopher!_

- _Haha, I don't doubt it at all! Remember when Puck and Quinn got into that big fight? Like Puck was sleeping here while Quinn was crying her eyes out. Well, I still remember pretty clearly who had been the one to reconcile the two: you._

- _Yeah, I remember. They were just being too stubborn to admit that they had both made mistakes in the past, but that it didn't mean that their life together was over. Sometimes, you just need someone to guide you towards the right path-_

- _And most of the time, that's you_, seriously stated Rachel.

- _Yeah, but, most of the time, you're the one inspiring my decisions._

- _Really? How? I never tell you what to do._

- _Haha, that's funny_, laughed Finn.

- _Hey! I-_

-_ No seriously, your overthinking about things always makes me realize how stupid it is sometimes and how we should just jump off the bridge if we wish to live our life to the fullest._

- _And risk dying? No thank you!_

- _How do you know your life is even at risk? Maybe the bridge is not that high, you just gotta take a chance and see what comes out of it. _

- _A bridge is never not high, Finn. Wouldn't be called a bridge otherwise._

- _Oh stop it, that's a metaphor. And you know I'm right anyway! When am I not? _winked Finn, a big smile on his face.

He and Rachel were now casually talking and none of them seemed to notice that they had come closer and closer. Their hands were now almost touching and Finn only had to turn his head a little bit more to the left to kiss her. He could feel her breath on his cheek and could almost hear her think. _Oh, how I would kill to feel those lips on mine again. _In a way, he still hated her for what she had done and he didn't know if he would ever be able to forgive her, but, just like she had many years ago, a part of him still wanted her to be his last love. He was lost and hurting, his heart was aching and his mind telling him not to let her in ever again. Looking at the big brown eyes beside him, he felt the tether pulling them close and he knew that he only had to reach for her and surrender to have her back.

_But it can't be that simple; life's never simple after all, right? Life's hell and I don't deserve to be transferred to heaven. Not after what I did._

- _Have you found a house in Lima yet? _subtly asked Rachel, bringing him out of his thoughts. She was silently praying for him to say no since she still wasn't mentally prepared to be on her own for good. She knew that he had been virtually visiting houses through his real estate agent's phone camera and that he had also talked to his boss about it, but she had also heard from Quinn that none of the properties seemed beautiful enough for him.

- _Hmmm, no not yet. Dave has shown me some, but none of them are close to what I'm looking for._

- _Euh, well that's too bad. I know how excited you are to move back there and to breathe the Lima air again. Plus, Quinn told me that your boss doesn't mind it at all, so that's great._

- _Yeah, I don't have a lot of home games anyway, so I'll be travelling just as much as before. Whether I'm here or in Lima won't really change a lot of things._

- _You're right. Anyway, I think I'm actually feeling a little bit sleepy now. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Good night Finn._

As she was about to pass through the kitchen door, she turned around and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek. She didn't know if it was the candles or even just the tiredness acting on her, but she felt pretty confident. His face was freshly shaved and, even though he had been in his bed for over four hours, he still smelled so good, so Finn-like. She would give anything to be able to kiss that face every day and night, but she couldn't. At least not now. She knew that he was still broken and that she had to figure out who she was if she really wanted to commit herself for a second time.

Kurt arrived at seven o-clock that morning, sure that everyone would already be up by then. However, he was shocked to find out that Finn _and_ Rachel were still both fast asleep and he found himself in the obligation to wake his brother up just so he wouldn't be bored and alone in their penthouse. Quinn had already called him and filled him in on the situation between the two. As the perfect brother that he was, he had immediately decided to come over and see what was precisely happening between them. Rachel was his best friend and Finn his brother, so he knew that he was in a risky place. He wanted what was best for the both of them and, unlike the others, didn't believe that they were still meant to be together. For a while now, he had noticed how the couple didn't seem to get along anymore and now that he knew what had happened some months ago, he thought that maybe it was, in a way, a blessing from God. Those young folks had been together since High School and hadn't really dated anyone else –except for the male prostitute, but Rachel didn't really like to be reminded of that episode in her life. During one of his many sleepless nights, he had thought about one thing: what if Finn came to Lima with him? That way, he and Rachel could have some time apart and they would both be able to seriously think about that separation. He was not one to say "you should get a divorce", but maybe trying to keep them together wasn't the right thing to do… _Kurt, you are a genius!_

- _So, Finn, are you coming with me or not? _asked Kurt. _I asked you this morning and although you had the entire day to make up your mind, you still haven't told me what you've chosen to do! I'm leaving tomorrow and it would be great to actually have a plane ticket for you if you happen to come with me. You know, to see your family that you haven't seen since the dinosaurs were extinct. It is almost 8pm after all and the plane is taking off at 11 o'clock tomorrow morning. _

On Finn's hand, he really wanted to go to Lima to see his mom and Burt, that wasn't the reason why he was so hesitant to leave. He knew that it could help him relax a little bit and give him time to think about his life in general. His mom had been asking him when was the next time that she would finally see her only child, which she only had not forgotten thanks to the TV and some trashy magazine. The past year had been so crazy with Rachel's new play and him being the best quarterback of the Giants that they hadn't find time to take a break and go back to their roots. But now that all this was over, what was preventing him from going? Nothing … or _almost_ nothing, but not quite.

The only problem was Rachel. He wanted to move out of course and had actually even talked to her about it before. Surprisingly, she had taken it pretty well and didn't seem to be mad, at least not once she had calmed down…Going there on a long vacation would offer him the chance to see if he was ready to be on his own and to start a completely new life, and it was the same for her. He was still going to come back to their house one day; he thought it was a pretty good compromise. However, he had never left without Rachel and it would be the first time ever that he would spend an entire month without seeing her or even sleeping at their home. He had had sleepovers at Puck's and had travelled with his team a lot, but it had never been for more than a week and they had been calling each other every day. This time though, they wouldn't and it would really feel as if they weren't married anymore. He had to think about everything and try to balance the pros and the cons as much as possible. What if he missed her too much? Or worse, what if he didn't? What would say the press when they would notice that he had left for Lima for a whole month without bringing his wife, which was also from that small town, along with him? Well, he only had to wait and see –in Lima.

- _Okay Kurt, I'm coming. You can call mom and Dad and tell them, I'm sure that they'll be thrilled. I'm going to tell Rachel, wish me luck._

- _Fine, I'm out for the night. I'm staying at this famous hotel. I can't believe my room has a view on Central Park! Gosh, I love being a famous designer! Please make sure to be at the airport on time tomorrow morning, so we're not late. 8 o'clock am, do not forget!_

- _I won't, don't worry. Have a good night. I'm going to sleep in a famous bed in a famous penthouse tonight. Gosh, I love being a famous player for the Giants! _mocked Finn while Kurt was closing the door.

The second the door closed, Rachel came out of the bathroom, as if she had been waiting for it to happen for a few hours.

- _Kurt left? _she asked Finn, who was busy picking up what was on the dining room table.

- _Yeah, he just did. I'm sure he would have loved to see his "Diva" though. But I, huh, have something to tell you. I talked about it earlier with Kurt and I wanted to, well, tell you._

He had no idea why he was so nervous. They weren't even together anymore, but telling Rachel that he was going to leave the house for a while was making him more than anxious.

- _Sure, go ahead._ She sat on a chair and watched Finn while he paced the floor nervously. She eyed him suspiciously.

- _I'm leaving for Lima tomorrow morning. For a month. It will give me the opportunity to see my family and have some time to think about everything… I hope you're okay with it, you could also benefit from it maybe._ He watched her reaction and waited for her to yell at him for leaving her all alone, but, curiously, she didn't even flinch. She didn't say a word either and just stood there, watching him as if waiting for him to add something.

- _Rachel? Can you say something please? _He desperately wanted –no needed– to know what she was thinking.

- _One month?_ She was trying her best not to show any emotions.

- _Yes. I know it may seem long, but I have a lot of things to do in Lima. And I think I'll even pay a visit to Mr. Schue, you know, since I haven't seen him since our wedding… Besides, I'll be able to visit some houses in person and get used to the life there._

- _Okay. Well, that's fine with me and I don't see why it wouldn't be: I'm not exactly your "wife" anymore. I hope you'll have fun, sincerely. Say _hi_ to your parents for me please. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed._

She quickly stood up and almost run towards her bedroom. Before she could reach her door though, Finn grabbed her wrist and made her turn around so that she was looking directly at him. Her eyes were starting to get puffy and her throat was hurting seeing as she was trying her best not to cry.

- _Rachel, don't be angry with me please. It will be a good thing for you too. It will give us space and maybe that's what we need for now. _He knew that he was being mean by leaving her alone in the city, but he truly believed that it was the right thing to do. If only she could understand that…

- _I know that and I've already told you that I was fine with it._ She gently removed her hand from his and left.

- _I will miss you, you know._

He had to say it. He didn't know if she had heard him and he didn't care. The words had easily come out of his mouth. It was almost breaking his heart to see her trying to lock up her vulnerability inside of her. Trying to clear his head and to forget that tomorrow he would be leaving for an entire month what he once fiercely thought was the love of his life, he went to the couch to watch TV. About two hours later, he woke up to the sound of a new horror movie that was just starting. Deciding that the living room wasn't a good place to sleep, he went into his bedroom, but not before looking one last time towards Rachel's bedroom.

The ceiling had never been so interesting. She didn't know for how many hours she had been lying on her bed, still very much awake. Finn was leaving. Not for good, but for longer than usual and that was enough to scare the shit out of her. And Rachel Berry never cursed. Ever, unless she had just learned that her husband was leaving her.

So many questions were running around in her head and it was driving her crazy. What if Finn found someone else while he was alone in Lima? Maybe he really didn't love her anymore and wanted to stay away from her so that she could have some time to adjust to their new situation. Yet, why did he seem to care about her so much yesterday? That he had been afraid when he had seen her on the floor must mean that he still had at least some feelings for her…

_Rachel, a stranger in the street would have been scared to see you unconscious on the floor._ Yeah, that was partly true, but a stranger wouldn't have stayed with her afterwards, right? He hadn't left her side until they were both ready to go to sleep and he hadn't seemed to mind. Neither had she. It was when they had been casually sitting on the couch that she had finally felt complete. With him next to her, his arm touching hers and his hand resting on her stomach, it really was like nothing could destroy what was between them. Nonetheless, the moment had passed and now she was craving his touch. Craving his attention, his love. She had always thought that she would only ever sleep with one man, and that was still accurate. Being famous had allowed her to meet a lot of handsome and great men, but she had never ever thought of being with someone else than her husband. The years had never made him less hot, far from that. She had always wanted him and only him in every way of their couple life. He was made for her and she was sure of it; she had just had her moment of doubts.

Right now, alone in her bedroom, she thought of what _he_ could be thinking about. He said that he would be missing her. It had touched her heart, but a part of her –way too rational– couldn't help, but think that maybe he hadn't meant it that way. One thing was sure though, _she_ was going to miss him like hell. She was already missing him and, yet, he was still in the same penthouse as her. Once he would leave, she was going to be extremely miserable. She was already trying to figure out what she could do to keep herself from being the depressive wife waiting for her husband to come home._ Maybe I could take some classes to learn something new. What about knitting? I've always wanted to learn how to do it! But nah… I don't want to look like an old lady…_

What if once he came home, they realized that everything between them was really over? What would she regret the most? Not telling him how she truly felt maybe. She would blame herself forever if he left without her admitting that she still loved him and had never stop to, without her apologizing and saying that she was so sorry for ruining their marriage. No matter what, she had to do something to show him the truth. It may seem desperate from to an outside eye, but she didn't care at all. She had to at least try so that if it really were going to be over, she would know that she had done everything that she could.

With all the strength and pride that she had left, she stood up quietly and walked to his bedroom door. She breathed deeply for a few seconds then took her courage into her hands and knocked on his door for the first time in four mouths. As she didn't hear any answers, she opened the door and walked to his bed.

She could hardly see his face in the dark. He always slept the same way: on the back, his hands by his side and looking like a little boy. He was so handsome that way and watching him sleep almost made her fall in love with him all over again.

She climbed onto the bed and sat next to him. She leaned over him and, with her right hand, lightly stroked his cheek. He didn't move so she touched his other cheek before lowering her hand to touch his chest. He moved a little, but still didn't wake up. With very little apprehension, she leaned her head over his and kissed him. At first, seeing that he wasn't responding to her actions in any way, she applied a little bit more pressure to the kiss. He finally stirred and tried talking, but she stopped him.

- _Rachel, what are you_-

- _Shh, just for tonight. Give me the night, please._

And she gave in. She kissed him with all the passion that she had left and, after a few seconds, he finally kissed her back with as much strength, as if everything that he had felt for her for so many years was coming back to the surface. It had been months since the last time that they had kissed and each of them felt like an addict who was relapsing after years of being sober. Maybe it was a big mistake, something bound to fail, but he didn't care and nor did she at the moment. It was just for the night and they both knew that tomorrow he would leave, no matter what.

So they kissed like they had never kissed before; like it was their last chance to kiss. Rachel was almost lying on top of him and had one hand on his cheek while the other one was caressing him. Finn was stroking her back and brought his hand down to her thighs to remove her nightdress, leaving her in only her panties. He had missed her warmth and softness so much and he simply couldn't get enough of it. She helped him remove his clothes until they were both in their underwear. The dark surrounding the room made the moment magical. They were barely seeing each other and the touch was even more powerful. It was like their first time all over again, slow and passionate, each of them trying to pleasure the other one without touching the "intimate" part yet. They wanted to show their feelings without any words and that's exactly what they did. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Finn rolled them over so that he was on top and kissed Rachel's cheeks before slowly making his way towards her neck and sucking on her pulse point, which made her moan in pleasure. He loved seeing her reaction to his touch. Wanting to make her feel good and knowing exactly how, he made his way down and, his tongue following the path of his hand, sucked on her nipples. He made sure to gently lick them and even traced a circle with his tongue, before going back to sucking, making her shudder and gasp. She was arching her back while he was caressing her other nipple. He captured her body with his to prevent her from moving too much. When he went to kiss her stomach, she grabbed his hair and pulled his lips back to hers, wanting to taste him again.

The kiss left him breathless. She had perfect lips made just for him and he was addicted to them. He moved his hands to take off her panties and put light kisses next to the end of her thighs to tease her, making her moan louder. He was so hard that it was almost becoming painful, so he stopped to take his own boxer off before settling back between her legs. For a moment, they didn't move. They were so close and their lips were almost touching, but they didn't kiss. They looked at each other and tried to convey every single feeling that they shared with only their eyes. Softly, Finn kissed Rachel and she thought that she could actually break under the passion. She pushed her naked hips again his to make him move and to show him what she wanted exactly. He quickly understood and moved his length at the front of her entrance. With his fingers, he touched her pussy to see if she was ready –which she obviously was after all the teasing and the kisses. Gradually, he entered her with a groan and tried to stay in control of himself. It was almost too much to bear. Her wetness and tightest were driving him crazy and he was feeling home and complete. Rachel whimpered and kissed him hungrily, which made him move faster and moan.

He had missed her more than he thought he had and he knew that he could easily stay in that position without caring. He kept moving, each trust bringing them closer to their respective orgasm, and, wanting to make this moment last, he slowed down a little and bit Rachel's shoulder. The feelings were increased and pure bliss was feeling their hearts. When he felt Rachel's wall starting to tighten, he knew that she was close, so he moved his hand to her little nub and rubbed it. She screamed his name out one last time and came undone under him. It didn't take much time before Finn followed with a loud. Rachel held him close and kissed his throat. No words were exchanged after that and neither of them felt the need to talk. He came out of her, wetting the sheets a little bit, and embraced her in his arms. She turned to face him and put her head on his chest, holding him as if the last four months hadn't happened. They were just enjoying the feeling of being loved and they couldn't ask for more. Because they had just made sweet love, they knew that there was no need to worry for now and that they would deal with the world tomorrow.

The birds were singing, the sun was shining and, in the middle of all that, there was a man quietly leaving his peaceful home. With a last backward glance, he looked at what –or more precisely who- he was leaving behind. He was only bringing a small suitcase with him while everything that could remind him of his previous life was still up there, waiting for him to come back. But he couldn't. He had to go away for his own good, but also for hers. One day, she would understand and, one day, she would thank him for this. That day was yet to come.

Out of the billion words existing in the English language, regret was the one he liked the least. It was bringing everyone down and he couldn't bear to see himself crawling on the floor and begging for another chance, or just regretting what has happened in the past. Nevertheless, he couldn't help, but, on that specific morning, think that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He couldn't help, but regret what he was about to do.

_I know that I'm not perfect but I keep trying cause that's what I said I would do from the start. _

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave. _

_Was it something I said or just my personality? _

_When you're caught in a lie, and you've got nothing to hide _

_When you've got nowhere to run, and you've got nothing inside _

_It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me, you thought that you knew…_

* * *

**A/N: We hope that you guys liked this chapter. If you have, or even if you haven't, please show us what you think of our story by following, reviewing or even contacting us on our respective twitter accounts (ItsfinchelLove3 and DreamMeCory). Until next time!**


	6. Float

**A/N: Hey everyone! I hope that you're all having a great Saturday! Here's the sixth chapter to our story, **_**Float**_**. **

**As usual, we would like to personally thank everyone that has reviewed our previous chapter. We love reading your comments and knowing what you guys think of our writing. Also, seeing what you speculate about will happen is fun, since, like we've said, we already have pretty much the entire story written down. Do not worry though; we'll soon know a little bit more about what Rachel has.**

**The song used in this chapter is "**_**Float**_**" by The Neighbourhood. Not only have I chosen this song because of its lyrics (Seriously, could they be more perfect for our story?!), but also because of the amazingness of the group. In fact, I have seen their show live last week and, wow, I was impressed! The singer, Jesse Rutherford, is THE nicest guy I have ever "met". Go listen to their songs, believe me, it's worth it!**

**Now, I will not used any more of your time for "unimportant" things, so here's the famous disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Glee or anything related to it. Plus, the song used in the chapter isn't by us.**

* * *

FLOAT

Imagine breathing in

Imagine leaving all your air behind

What matters in the end

A matter of opinion 'til you find out

Life can only mean hardly anything

All I'll ever be is partly settled in

To show you how to swim, then they throw you in the deep end

I've been learning since, but it doesn't mean I float

I won't float, no, no, no, no, oh, float

Finn and Kurt had arrived in Lima a little bit before lunch and had right away left to see Carole and Burt. Although he wanted more than anything to take some time to relax on his own before starting to visit everyone, seeing his mother made him feel like a little boy who had just fallen from his bike and who was now seeking comfort in the only thing always there for him. Hurting, he told her about everything that had happened with Rachel and how he was seriously lost. He had always been a mama's boy, but he had started to become more and more independent since he had moved out, up until now. While Kurt and Burt were out talking about stuff and life in general, Finn was sitting inside, talking to his mother and crying in her arms. He didn't like to be so vulnerable in front of her, but it felt so right at the same time. Plus, he would never let himself cry while in New York, and many tears were happy to finally break free.

Yet, every good thing must come to an end and, before he knew it, it was time for him to say goodbye and to go back to his place. He had rented a small house not too far from his parents' so he knew that he could visit them whenever he felt like it. Once he entered his new home, the only thing he could hear was the clock ticking. No cars were passing by, no one was singing, the phone wasn't ringing: nothing. It was as if he was alone on this planet and everyone else around him had deserted. In order to feel as if he actually had someone there with him, he opened the TV, but didn't even sit in front of it. He went into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water and quickly drank from it. Then, when he felt his heart returning to its normal rate, he finally took some time to think about whom he had to see while in Lima.

_Ok, so there's Mr. Schue, Mike and Tina, Artie, oh is Mercedes still here? Oh God, that's so many people! And to think that they'll probably all want to talk about Rachel…_

Finn was starting to feel overwhelmed and he couldn't do anything about it. The press had already started to speculate about his marital problems so it was clear that everyone here in Lima knew at least a little bit of what was happening between them. And, as if that wasn't enough, Finn and Rachel being worldwide known, they had become throughout the years even more famous in their hometown. Every time that they would set foot in the city, dozens of people would come up to them and ask them what had been their secret to get out of this small town. Hence, he was pretty sure that they would now be asking what was his secret to a peaceful divorce and how he could still appear so calm and sure of himself.

If only they knew what was happening in his head, how much he just wanted to cry like a baby all day. Every day was like his own Mount Everest and every day he couldn't wait to get to the top. He was like this mountaineer who had once seen the landscape from up there and who was dreaming about going back as soon as possible. But, just like anyone that had stopped climbing because of a leg injury, he had to heal completely if he didn't want to fall and get hurt again; and God knows that he didn't want to. So, instead of rushing things, he had decided to make, for once in his life, what had seemed like a rational choice at the time. However, he wasn't so sure of it now. He was scared like shit that he and Rachel would forget how to a ride a bike, even if his mother had told him countless times when he was little how impossible and improbable that was.

Suddenly, he felt something vibrating in his pocket and realized that someone was actually calling him. Taking out his cellphone, he didn't even look at the caller ID before answering it.

- _Hello?_

- _Finn! How are you! I've heard that you were in Lima, bro!_

- _Hmmm, yeah I've just arrived a couple of hours ago. Who's this?_

- _What do you mean 'who's this'? It's Mike!_

- _Euh yeah, sorry man. I just didn't look at the ID, was lost in my thoughts I guess._

-_ Don't worry, I understand. I've heard about what happened between you and Rachel…_

He had not even been talking with his friend for more than two minutes, and yet he had already brought up his relationship. He knew that he should get used to this, but hearing someone say his wife's name was just making everything worse. He was supposed to be taking a break from everything that was related to Rachel, New York and even football, but wherever he was going, it seemed to be the only thing people were able to talk about. Even the cab driver –he had to remember to rent a car soon if he didn't want it to happen again- had wished him luck after relating him and his wife's history and how everything had gone down the drain when he had discovered that his wife had been cheating on him. However hard he had tried to explain the situation, the chauffeur had simply not wanted to believe that Rachel wasn't a cheater and had left him with a wave and a "Good luck dude, you'll need it. Every girl on this planet is a piece of shit. We don't need them 'nway!"

- _…and Tina told me that she had seen Kurt who had told her that you were in town! How did I not know that? We need to meet! What do you say? We go get a drink and hopefully you'll forget about your problems…_

- _Euh, yeah. Why not? It's been a long time since we've last seen each other. But you know, I'm kind of busy those next few days and-_

- _Nonsense! What do you want to be doing in Lima? No I'm telling you, you gotta come with me to Nationals next week!_

- _I don't know man. I was planning on-_

- _Have I told you that Mr. Schue is still the one teaching the Glee club? He and Emma have got a daughter now, and another baby on the way. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you. Think about it this way: you and Rachel are like the Michael and the Celine of the Glee club, you are legends. I've seen those kids in action: they seriously need your help. I'm going over there to help them with the dance –believe it or not, they're actually worse than you- but it'd great for them to learn how to feel their songs, not just sing them. Mr. Schue has tried everything, but there's always something missing, the wow factor_, seriously said Mike. He and Tina, after talking with Kurt, had decided that, as sad as it was, they needed to help Finn move on and that the best way to do that was to get him to sing again.

- _"_The Michael and the Celine?_" "_The wow factor_?" Jeez, someone has been hanging out with Kurt way too often!_ chuckled Finn.

- _Hey, can it! Do I need to remind you that I have a daughter whose godparents are Mercedes and Blaine? Plus Tina has just found my old albums of Michael again so that's almost the only thing that we've been listening to._

- _Oh yeah, Rachel and I are so sorry by the way for not having been there for you when she was born. We wanted to come see you guys, but with her play and all the games, we didn't have a minute to ourselves…_

- _Don't worry. It's fine. Although I think I know a way for you to apologize effectively…_

- _Let me guess, I'll be seeing you and Mr. Schue tomorrow?_

- _Yup! I'll pick you up in the morning! Seriously Finn, I thought it was going to be so much harder than this. I can't believe I actually even had planned a speech! Have a nice night, dude. You should call Sam by the way; he's been asking to hear from you ever since the local newspaper quoted some sources about you and Rachel. _

Great. That was just what he needed. Now he could be sure that everyone in town was aware of what was happening behind closed doors, or, in this case, of what was _not_ happening. Tomorrow would be hell, he already knew it. The kids would ask him personal questions instead of professional ones and, being the shy man that he was, it would be even more awkward than when the whole Glee club had walked in on him and Rachel going at it in the choir room. To be honest, this wasn't what was scaring him the most. That he hadn't sung in front of an audience or even pretended to in years was terrifying and he was sure that he would make a complete fool out of himself.

Sadly, it was already said and done and he couldn't do anything about it. Mike had seemed so excited when he had agreed that he couldn't help but think that those teenagers were the worst dancers and singers in the world. He hadn't seen Mr. Schue since his wedding, which was some years ago, and he knew that he owed him to at least help him achieve the most important thing in his life. He had felt so guilty to leave Rachel by herself, and, once he had arrived in Lima, he had only wanted to find something to take his mind off his problems. Nevertheless, now that he actually had something to do, he couldn't find the courage to get up and do it. He felt lazy, lost, and he only wanted to stay home and mourn the end of his marriage.

* * *

The next day, Finn found himself sitting in the auditorium and thinking about the last time that he had been there. Years ago, he and Rachel had decided to pay a visited to this sacred place when in town for a few days. They had spent the evening lying on stage, alone, drinking virgin cosmos –although they hadn't really been virgin that time- and laughing at old memories. They had even concluded the night with an amazing rendition of one of their favorite songs: _Faithfully_. So, when Finn sat next to Mike to watch the new kids perform, he couldn't help but keep seeing him and Rachel up there. The new girl, Rose, had something in her voice that reminded him of his wife's, but she was still far from having her talent. And the other co-captain, Matthew, seemed like a real jackass -and not in a good way. He was always trying to flirt with anything that had boobs and didn't seem to know how to stand still for a minute. Why did Mr. Schue choose him? That was for God to know and for the others to wonder about.

- _They suck_, quietly whispered Finn after seeing one of the members failing miserably. The poor girl had tried to hit a note that simply wasn't right for her and now everyone was laughing at her.

- _I know. And you haven't even seen them at their worst yet. One day, one of the dancers was trying to execute a new move that I had shown him when he fell on a girl, broke her leg and then sang his song, but was so off-key that Mr. Schue had to stop him and give his song to someone else. _

- _Ouch. I never thought that someone worse than me at dancing even existed._

- _Me neither. And that was two days ago, so not only are we missing a member, but we also have to work with a teenage boy who doesn't know his song yet and who isn't motivated to learn it._

- _Let me guess, Jackass-Matthew?_

- _How did you know?_ sarcastically retorted Mike.

- _Oh man, they are so screwed._

- _Not now that you're there to help them with me. I'm sure you'll be a better vocal coach than I was!_

- _I wouldn't be so sure of that. Rachel is the singer, not me. I'm just the footballer who pretended to be able to sing in High School._

- _Oh stop it! You were definitely as great as Rachel! You-_

- _Hey you two!_ angrily yelled Matthew from where he was standing. His right hand on his hips and the other one resting on one of the cheerleaders' ass, he was shamelessly flirting with a tall blonde girl. _Would you mind trying to keep it low? There are some of us here who are actually working. You're distracting Maria-_

- _Rose_, interjected a girl who was standing beside him.

- _That's what I said, Rose! Can't you see that she's trying to sing! Jeez, I've never seen anyone that disrespectful!_

- _Oh sorry, are you talking to us? _said Finn, standing up and looking at the student directly in the eyes. _'Cause, first of all, I wasn't sure if that was directed to us or to the girl you were practically banging on stage. Plus, I thought it was supposed to be a duet and I certainly didn't hear you sing at all. But don't worry, I want to thank you for having saved my poor ears from hearing your voice. I'm sure they wouldn't have survived that hell._

- _Wait, what? _replied the student on a bewildered tone. Never in his life had someone had talked to him like that, and it surely wasn't something that he liked.

- _Oh so you're not so sure of yourself now, huh?_

- _Finn, what the fuck are you doing?_ said Mike. He was starting to find this pretty entertaining and hated to interrupt Finn in the middle of his speech, but this new side of his friend was something that he had never seen and he wasn't certain if it was such a good thing. _We're supposed to help them, not bully them._

- _Mike, would you just let me do my thing? I can assure you that I will not kill one of those kids -even if they give me reasons to- and that next week, they will be the winners. But for now, I gotta teach them a few things…_

Leaving Mike dumbfounded behind him, he quickly went on stage to talk to his new "students." Finn didn't know what had taken over him, and, honestly, he was hardly able to recognize himself. Usually, he would have let Matthew talk to him as if _he_ was the student and he wouldn't have said a word. However, today was different. He wanted to do something for Mr. Schue –who hadn't arrived yet- and he wanted more than anything to prove to everyone that he wasn't just a football player with no brain: he was smart, intelligent, clever, and able to bring a team to victory no matter the discipline. Owning his 6'3", he walked up on that stage, looked at all the Glee club members -who were all staring back at him, waiting for him to say something- and finally locked eyes with Matthew for a second time.

- _Hi. I don't think I've introduced myself. How rude of me, I'm sorry. My name is Finn. Finn Hudson. Have you ever heard of me? I used to be in that very same Glee club, and this auditorium? Well it was kind of a sacred place for me. It's where I discovered myself, where I spent the most beautiful moments in my life and where I met people that I could never forget. _

Chatter could now be heard all over the room and students were actually starting to understand who was standing in front of them. Some girls were trying to get a better look at his face and tanned body while boys were all talking about the new football seasons and what was the reason behind the best quarterback of the Giants' departure for Lima. Meanwhile, Matthew still had a hand on his _girlfriend_'s ass, but his other arm was now by his side and he wasn't looking at Finn as condescendingly as before. In fact, he was looking at anything but at him, praying for someone else to say something so that all the eyes wouldn't be on him anymore.

- _Oh God, if only you could see your face! Priceless!_ laughed Finn. He wasn't trying to be mean, but he thought that showing this kid who was the boss couldn't really cause any harm to anyone. _Now, as many of you know, next week are the Nationals and if you have effectively studied the Glee Club history –which I highly doubt- you will know that my team and I were the first Mckinley High School Glee Club, and unfortunately also the last one, to actually win one of those big trophies that you'll see next week. _

- _You're the one that kissed the girl on that stage, right?_ shyly said a small student. She was exactly the same size as Rachel, and he found it funny how easily she could literally be mistaken for a Rachel 2.0.

-_Yes, it's me and, just so you know, I do not condone that kind of attitude for you guys, even if I don't regret doing it at all._

-_Mr. Hudson, can I ask something please? I'm Maria, a backup singer_, continued the girl.

The fact that a student was calling him _Mr. Hudson_ surprised him; it felt weird coming from someone not that much younger than him, even more on a respectful tone. Yet, Finn definitely liked it so he nodded for the girl to go on.

- _You've been at our place before, so maybe you could help us. I know the timing is bad because the competition's next week, but we would at least be able to improve a little and, hopefully, impress the judges too. Moreover, I'm sure it would be a real honor for all of us to have a teacher like you. Mr. Schue and you would make a great team._

This girl definitely knew how to speak to people. Not only was it an amazing idea, but also it would finally give Finn something to do while in Lima. Plus, it would be an occasion for him to learn something new, something unusual. What he hadn't seen though, since he had been so lost in his thoughts and in his new role as a "teacher", was that Mr. Schue had arrived, as well as Artie and Sam. They had sat next to a silent Mike who had ordered them to be quiet. His good friends were now watching him without him being aware of it, and they were all very happy to see Finn interact this way with students.

- _I couldn't agree more, Maria, and, from now on, if someone has something to say, he just have speak up and say it in order to make things move a little. Okay? We're not gonna sing right away though. Make a circle and sit, please._

Matthew was gaping at Finn, wondering what the hell had just happened, but the new _teacher_ didn't really care, and neither did the other students. They happily complied and sat on the floor, excited to see what would be coming next. After sitting in the middle, Finn finally started.

- _First, I want you all to think about the reasons why you're here. What made you come here and sing? Why didn't you all stay home instead?_

As simple as it seemed, this was how Finn started to teach. During a whole hour, they didn't sing, nor dance; they just talked about what had brought them together and what had been the reasons behind their decision to be a part of the Glee Club. For Finn, it was more than important to know that information, because it was where the passion came from, and these students? They needed to find that passion.

Time went by so quickly and Finn didn't feel like an hour had passed when he realized hat it was already close to 4pm. He thought that they had definitely improved since the beginning of the class, even if they had not sung, and that they were now on the right path to Nationals. They were laughing and telling jokes to each other as if they were best friends, and that was what mattered the most. Having people you could trust with you was important, and the girls and boys had to realize that. Once all the kids were gone, he stood up and turned around to find not only Mike, but also Mr. Schue and Sam watching him with smiles on their faces. Finn almost ran to hug them all, happy to finally be home with the people he had passed such good moments with.

- _Finn, I have to say, it was amazing to see you up there. Nobody could have thought that you weren't already a teacher. You must have had a really good teacher in high school…_ joked Mr. Schue, amazed to see his former student act like such a grown up in front of him.

- _He was the best, I'm sure you will meet him one day_, grinned Finn back at his mentor.

- _Long time no see, bro! You're still as big as before and, as you can see, I'm still as blond as before!_ said Sam when his turn came, admiring the man that his friend had become.

- _Damn, it's good to see you guys!_ happily sighed Finn.

- _Same here. And you'll be happy to know that we have a Glee Club date right now at… BREADSTICK! I know: it's awesome!_

- _No way! Let's go then! I cannot wait to see everyone, _said Finn, glad that his relationship with his friend didn't seem to have changed since the last time that he had seen him.

* * *

When they arrived at the restaurant, Finn was happy the see Tina, Mercedes and Artie at a table talking and obviously waiting for them. He walked up to them, Mike and Sam following closely behind him.

- _Excuse-me, is it okay if I join you?_ jokily said Finn when he arrived at the table.

- _Well, you look even paler than before, so we'll have to see_, smiled Mercedes while standing up to give him a big hug.

- _Well, I'm working on getting a tan so it should at least play in my favor, don't you think?_

Mercedes laughed and let go of Finn so that he could kiss both Artie and Tina on the cheeks.

- _You better stay with us tonight and all the nights after this one too, Finn. We've missed you! You're famous now and, since you can't find any time for us, we're finding some for you! You gotta see your amazing friends once in a while after all,_ joked Tina, who looked more beautiful than ever. She seemed really happy, just like Artie did.

- _Oh, don't worry, I've planned to stay here for a month to relax a little and to see my parents, so you're gonna have to put up with me for a while now_, answered Finn on a happy tone.

It was making him feel so good to be back. He had missed this joyful ambiance and this kind of happiness surrounding him when with his true friends that had never let him down. With them, he could be himself shamelessly and without risking that something would appear in the papers the next day, or in Page 6. It was a pleasure to be reunited again. He really wished that Rachel could have been there, but he kept that thought to himself. She was always in the back of his mind and, for a minute, he wondered if it would ever change.

The night had been perfect and he couldn't have asked for a better first day back in town. He had gotten the opportunity to see the people he loved the most, and he had even taught kids, which he never thought was possible. During the night, he had been expecting them to ask questions about his marriage, but they hadn't and he had really been thankful for that. He wouldn't have had enjoyed himself as much as he had if they had had, and he had been glad that his friends had seemed to know what was making him happy. It was now that he was realizing how amazing his friends were. It's when something bad happens to you that you notice who is still there for you and who your true friends are. Yet, he knew that, somewhere deep inside him, he had always been aware of that fact. He promised himself that from that day, he would visit Lima at least twice a year, no matter how crazy his schedule was.

* * *

One week later, they had finally made it to Nationals and he couldn't believe it. The 5-hour a day rehearsals had paid off, and the kids had nailed it. He was so proud to be a part of it and he felt as if he were a 16 years old boy all over again. He really wanted to call Rachel to talk to her about it, but he stopped himself before actually doing it. It would have been really awkward to have a conversation with her as if nothing had happened, and he decided to at least wait until he was back home.

He was starting to love being here. It was really a good break from New York and it was starting to be more and more like home and less and less like something that he _had_ to do. Seeing his friends being all happy around him was reminding him of his previous life. Just when he was starting to get lost in his thoughts –again- every single kid jumped on stage after hearing the name of the school being called. They screamed like crazy and run all over the place, showing the trophy to everyone. Then, they came around Mr. Schue and him and screamed: "_WHO'S THE BEST?_" "_US!_" "_WHO'S THE BEST?_" "_US!_" Backstage, it was literally madness, but all the joy was all so very welcome. With a proud smile plastered his face, Finn watched everyone from a corner as if he was their teacher and not just a substitute to Mr. Schue.

- _Well, I gotta admit that we did a great job. I couldn't have done it without you, Finn, thank you,_ said Mr. Schue who had arrived and was now standing beside him.

- _It was a pleasure to be a part of the team. Like, I feel so blessed. Plus, I got to learn how to talk to kids as I'm not one anymore, so thank you for letting me in._

- _Anytime, Finn, you know you can always count on me._

If he hadn't been a man, Finn was sure that he would have cried, but he didn't, and he stuck to just hugging instead.

At the same time, he felt his phone ringing. Surprised to see that Santana was actually calling him, Finn left Mr. Schue to go away and get some silence in order to hear her.

- _Hey! You will not beli-_ he joyfully started before being quickly cut by a rather rude Rachel.

- _Finn, it's Rachel._

* * *

**A/N: I hope that you've liked the chapter. I will be editing the twelfth one tomorrow and we should start writing the thirteenth one soon. This story will have around 16 or maybe 17 chapters. I know it may not seem long to you, but every single one of our chapters has more than 4000 words so, in the end, it is long!**

**Do not forget to review, comment, follow and/or favorite, we love reading you, guys. As always, you can also send us feedback on whether my twitter account (itsfinchelLove3) or on my co-author's (DreamMeCory). Until next time!**


	7. Blown Away

**A/N: This time, the song used is by the beautiful Carrie Underwood – Blown Away! You really should listen to it; it's an amazing song!**

**We almost had 10 reviews for the last chapter and that is awesome! Thank you very much! Moreover, there are more and more readers who actually read our story, and it's really nice to know that you like it even though it is a really mature one, and not an easy one to read! We love you and, once again, thank you!**

**Oh and for your information, we want to repeat that everything should be answered in the next chapter. Some of you might be surprised where others won't be…**

BLOWN AWAY

_There's not enough rain in Oklahoma_

_To wash the sins out of that house_

_There's not enough wind in Oklahoma_

_To rip the nails out of the past_

- _F__inn, it's Rachel._

- _Oh! Rachel, I thought it was Santana, sorry. How are you?_ asked a surprised Finn. On the other end of the phone, Rachel could hear the happiness in his tone. Something great must have occurred and she was dying to know what.

- _Yes, sorry I- euh- wanted to talk to you about something and I forgot my phone at home, that's why I'm calling from Santana's. You sound really happy for a guy who's in Lima. What happened? _

Her curiosity took the best of her, and, ignoring Santana's glare, she left the kitchen and went into her bedroom.

- _Well, I don't know if you've heard, but I was helping Mr. Schue with the Glee Club this past week to keep me busy. I swear, they sucked so much and had no passion or chemistry like you and I had. So I decided to help him and his students to find what was missing, and today were the Nationals. And they won! I'm just really happy for them, you know. And a little bit proud to be a part of something that I love so much and that reminds me of our teenage years. Can you believe it?_ said Finn, nineteen to the dozen.

- _Yes, I do. You must have found what they were lacking, which helped them win. It's weird to imagine you as a teacher though, but I'm really proud. If someone could have done it, it was you for sure,_ she said with a tender smile on her lips. He really was a good man with a big heart, always ready to help others.

- _Thanks Rach, it means a lot coming from you. It's cool to be back here, you know. You should come back one day; when your play will be over or something. Some of the Glee Club original members are here and it's fun. Kind of like the old times, I would say,_ trailed off Finn.

He hadn't even noticed that he was talking casually to his wife, to whom he hadn't spoken for over a week now, because he had preferred to just leave the City after having made sweet love to her. Yet, having a discussion with her this way seemed very natural and relaxing.

- _You're tempting me, now. I'll try, I promise. Tell them _hi_ from me please_, asked Rachel, slightly jealous that he was having fun while she was missing him like crazy. She tried to be happy for him, but still, her fear was taking more and more space in her mind.

- _I will, don't worry. What about you? How are you going? Oh I'm so sorry… Why did you call me again?_ Excited as he had been by what he had wanted to tell her, Finn had completely forgotten that she had been the one calling him, which meant that she must have had something important to say.

On her side, however hard she wanted to admit everything, Rachel didn't want to be the one to ruin his happiness. So, instead, she preferred to stay silent and just act as if there wasn't anything important happening or resurfacing in her life.

- _Me? Calling you? Hmmm… oh yeah! Well I just wanted to know how everything was going for you. It's a bad habit, I guess. I'm glad you're doing well, Finn, truly. But I have to go now. Santana is waiting for me to go out so…_ She tried her best to sound nonchalant and to avoid confessing the real reason why she had called him. She knew that her voice could have sold her out, but, at the same time, her actress skills had gotten the best of her and she was quite sure that Finn hadn't noticed anything, hysterical as he was.

- _Okay then. Well it was good talking to you. I'll call you another day if you want, so you can tell me more about you._ Finn knew that she didn't _have_ to leave, and he felt as if she was hiding something from him. As she hung up the phone, he could only hope that it wasn't something too important. She would have told him otherwise, right?

* * *

Rachel could have sworn that she was close to slap herself after she hung up the phone. She had to admit, though, that hearing his voice had made her feel better. She had missed his voice so much that the soft sound of it alone had brought her back to the very beginning of their relationship. If she tried, she could still feel his hands on her, his laugh echoing in her ear, his kisses gently placed along her neck.

This week had been good and yet horrible at the same time. She had moved on with her life, happy to know that he still cared about her, but, on the other hand, missing him was driving her crazy. She wasn't accustomed to not having him around, and coming home to an empty place without any life was just sad. She almost regretted the time where they would hate and yelled at each other because, at least, he was still there with her, at least they were still living under the same roof and married.

She came back into the kitchen, almost laughing when she saw her best friend angrily glaring at her. For someone who didn't know Santana, she could be really scary. Luckily for her though, she knew that she would never hurt her and that, although she could be pretty strict and rude sometimes, she just wanted what was best for her.

- _I don't want to talk about it, San._

- _THE FUCK you 'don't want to talk about it'! It wasn't what we talked about before calling him, if I remember well! It WASN'T at all! Why didn't you tell him Rachel? We talked about it ten minutes ago, so don't tell me that you forgot. You better have a pretty good reason otherwise I might throw you out of this window and make it look as if you've killed yourself,_ yelled Santana.

- _Are you seriously pissed off right now?_ said Rachel, trying to calm her friend down.

- _Are you kidding me right now? _

- _Santana, I swear that I was gonna tell him, but he seemed so happy, I couldn't just ruin his mood for nothing. We're barely married. _

- _You fucked him not even a week ago, that's certainly more than barely married! _

- _First of all, you don't get to tell me that I "_fucked him_", because I am not a whore who fucks random people. It was my husband and we simply made love once before he had to leave for Lima, okay?_

- _Yeah right, if you say so… but I'm still mad at you for not telling him._ Santana was actually starting to regain her temper, and she had finally stopped yelling.

- _Believe me, I will if it gets worse. For now, though, I'm going to rest. But maybe tomorrow, okay? Jesse told me that everything was fine, so I think that I might just be covering a flu, that's all._

- _Maybe you should go see him again, we never know… I'm going to work now, but call me if you need help or want something; you know I'll be there in no time._ She went to hug Rachel before kissing her on the forehead, feeling how hot she actually was.

- _Thank you for being here. I promise I'll call you if I really don't feel well,_ said Rachel.

- _You better. Love you._

She then left, leaving a very tired Rachel alone in the apartment and thinking about life in general. The last few days, she had stayed in a lot, only leaving to go to rehearsal or to shop for groceries. Even just those two simple tasks had asked her a lot, and she really hoped that her tiredness would be leaving soon for the simple reason that an inactive Rachel Berry was far from being a Rachel Berry. _Hudson._ Her friend wanted her to call Finn to talk to him about her health, but now that she had heard how well he was doing, she was refusing to. If she wasn't feeling as great as usual, no need for her to also ruin Finn's happiness. She had already done enough in the last few months. Instead, she just did as she had done all week and sat in front of TV while thinking about him and replaying in her head their night of love that had been pure bliss. She wished that they could do it again, because she clearly loved him more than ever and missed him even more now that he was gone. She knew that he was her one true love and she fell asleep thinking of him. You could clearly discern a smile on her face as she was dreaming about his.

* * *

Some time later, Rachel woke up feeling nauseous and quickly ran to the bathroom. She lay on the cold ceramic for a while, scared that if she got up, she immediately would have to make another run for the toilet. While on the floor, she thought about the last few weeks. Everyday, she was waking up as if she hadn't slept at all and, although Finn had only been aware of it happening once, she had in fact fainted a couple times. Last Thursday, one of her co-stars had found her on the floor of her dressing room and, when she had tried to call 9-1-1, Rachel had had to bribe her so that she wouldn't say a word about what she had witnessed. She used to never be sick, and she was actually starting to feel ashamed of it. Her producers had without a doubt noticed that her best wasn't as good as before and one of them had even approached her to talk about it.

"_Rachel, we love you, but we want to see your old-self. You're an amazing actress, but now you're almost average_," she had said before asking her to restart her whole scene all over again. Average. _Average_. Her whole life, she had fought to prove to everyone that she wasn't _average_. Her nose was big? Fine. Her face wasn't as pretty as the other women's? Still fine. Her voice was average? Ordinary? Okay? Hell no. Her voice was beautiful, unique, and powerful; her voice was at the top of all the other ones. She was Rachel Berry and God knew that Rachel Berry didn't do average.

Finally getting up, she got out of the bathroom and thought about calling Finn again. Maybe Santana had been right after all, maybe he deserved to be notified of what was happening in her life. But yet, she couldn't understand why he would really care. She knew that what she had wasn't that serious, at least not enough for her soon-to-be ex-husband to bother about it. He had expressly chosen to leave for Lima so that he could have a break from her and their public life, not for her to call him whenever she didn't feel right. No, she didn't want to be a burden and, instead, she just decided to go see Jesse again. He may even give her some medicines that would force her to stay in bed for a few days and that would hopefully put her back on the right track. The last thing she needed right now was to lose her job. Being wildly famous, she would never see the end of it and she couldn't even be sure if she would ever work again.

Leaving their –or _her_- penthouse, she made sure to grab her keys, a hat and some giant sunglasses on her way out. She didn't want people to start speculating on her health or, like last time, on what was allegedly growing in her stomach; she was going to try her best to pass unnoticed. Unfortunately, she met her neighbor, Dave D'albertis, in the hallway and slightly waved at him. She noticed that he was taking out the trash and wondered why he didn't have someone to do it for him. Usually, people who lived in her building were all rich and could easily afford to pay a maid or, in most cases, four or five. Except for Finn and Rachel of course. When they had first moved in, they had wanted to live a as boring and normal life as possible, and they had forbidden the use of any sort of help in their house that wasn't Kurt's. At the beginning of everything, _he_ wasn't even supposed to help too, but then he kept saying annoying comments on the decoration so they had had no choice but to let him in and give him the permission to do all that he wanted to. Once he had received the go card, he had been like a child on Christmas Day and, a week later, their penthouse was unrecognizable. In a good way, of course.

- _Hey Rachel! How are you doing today? You look beautiful, as always, _asked, or flirted, Dave. No matter what, he had never seemed to understand that Rachel was married. Every single time that she would talk to him, she would always make sure to include the words "My husband" and "Finn", but it was to no avail.

- _I'm great, thanks. But I really gotta go-_

-_ Wait, just before you leave me alone with my trash, what do you say you and I go out for a drink one of these days? I've heard about what happened with you and Finn, and I really cannot believe that-_

- _Goodbye Dave._

Just like that, she left him standing there alone and ran out of the building. She couldn't believe that he had tried to make a move on her. Sure she and Finn weren't _technically_ together anymore and he knew it, but still: what kind of guy did that? Dave was good-looking, charming, tall, strong, and Rachel was sure that he wasn't used to being turned down by a girl, but dating was the very last thing on her mind right now. For all she cared, he could be the most romantic, nice and kind-hearted guy on Earth that she still wouldn't have said yes.

Furious at her neighbor and his incapacity to have empathy, she rapidly walked toward Jesse's office. People passing by didn't seem to mind her at all, and she kept her eyes focused on the ground and didn't make eye contact with anyone. Around her, she could hear bits of random conversations and cars storming. Her stomach was chunking and, although she kept repeating herself that everything was fine, a small part of her still didn't want to believe that and, unfortunately, that part was just becoming stronger with every passing second. Her legs were moving, but her mind was miles away. She simply wasn't able to concentrate on one single thing and almost fell on the floor more than once. Some persons were starting to look at her strangely: _Who is this woman so captivated on the dirty sidewalk? What is she mumbling? _they must have all been thinking.

A few minutes later, Rachel finally arrived at Jesse's office and hurriedly went in. Without saying a word to the receptionist, she went up and didn't care if he had a patient or was on his lunch break: she had to see him. When you live in a big city like New York and when the one person keeping you grounded has deserted, you have got to find some _Anchors_, some things that will reassure you and help you figure out how to live your life. However, you'll often meet on your path what some people may call _Tentacles_ and it's when you do that those things keeping you at peace become more and more important. In her case, Rachel was starting to feel as if she only had tentacles and no anchors at all, so going to see Jesse was the only thing that could make her see that she wasn't becoming crazy and that, in fact, she was just a woman in need of love, in need of the one thing that she couldn't have anymore.

- _Jesse? It's me. I know you might be busy, but I really need to see you right now_, she said while knocking on his door.

- _Rachel? _Jesse opened the door and his face, although surprised to see her, was full of concern and worry. _What is it? Is something wrong? Why are you dressed like that? Come on in._

- _Oh Jesse, if only you knew. I'm just so tired and every time I try to get up, well it's like God doesn't want me to. He's always, always pulling me down by my feet and I just can't get up no matter what I do. I lie in bed and think about everything, and when I finally go to work, my producers tell me that I'm not good enough anymore. I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but I can't. This life is too difficult. Why can't I have the life I've so long yearned for? Why can't He just give me that?_

Slouching on one of the two chairs in front of his desk, she had her head in her hands and tears were coming out of her eyes. She wasn't just tired; she was weak, insecure, feeling unloved and bored of her life. She wanted more than anything to escape from this hell and to become someone completely different. Some people on Earth still thought that Elvis wasn't dead but just on an excluded island, so why can't she get an invitation too? She'd jump on the first plane to nowhere if she could.

- _Oh Rachel-_

- _Please spare me your pity._ _The last thing I need is_-

- _That wasn't what I was gonna say. You should have told me that you were feeling that bad. I think you need some vacations, Rach_.

- _I know I do, but I can't. My play is opening in two weeks; I can't let them down now. It's a completely new and original play, they need me; they need all the Tonys that I've gotten. You were in the business too once; you understand how competitive it can get. If I leave now, who says if I'm ever gonna work again. No, what I need is some medicines that will keep me awake during the day, but asleep at night. I need something that will make me forget the pain. Can you do that for me?_

- _Euh, I really don't know if I should. _

- _Please?_

- _Listen, I'm gonna do it, but only because I can see how tired and weak you look. Have you lost weight by the way? 'Cause that could actually be the cause of your problems, you know._

- _No I haven't. I had gained some a few months ago, but quickly lost it after… well after I had set my mind on going to the gym…_

- _Ok, well if you say so. Now, here's what I can do for you. I'll prescribe you some pills that you'll have to take twice a day, no more, no less. And you take one at a time, obviously._

- _What if it doesn't work? Can I take a second one?_

- _Rachel, listen to me. This is really serious. Those pills that I'm prescribing you could be fatal if you take more than one. Especially if you indulge them with anything other than water. So please, please, don't. I swear they're gonna work. _

- _Okay, I'll try them. But I'm warning you, if in a week it still doesn't work, well I'm coming back and you'll have to give me something stronger. I can't live like this anymore, otherwise I'll die. I have to meet Santana at my place now. I'll see you later._

Kissing him on both cheeks, she left his office with that little, but oh how so important piece of paper in her bag. She immediately went to the drug store as it was on her way home, and, trying to be as subtle as possible, she picked up those pills that could change her life forever. She didn't know what would happen, but one thing was sure: she was tired of being lost. And if that meant that she needed to drug herself to forget about everything else, then that was what she was going to do. No matter what, she had promised herself that she would never ever let herself be like that again. Ever.

* * *

_The walls were spinning and everything around her looked blurred. If she closed her eyes tightly, she could almost even see a face coming out of the new vase that she had bought a few weeks ago. Wait, was she falling? Why was she falling? She had only taken one, she swore. She had listened to everything that Jesse had said, but it seemed like God had once again found a way to pull her back to the ground. Why couldn't He leave her alone for once? Before she could think of anything else, her back hit the floor, and all the shapes and colors around her gave way to blackness. Her eyes slowly closed themselves, and she felt herself being drawn. She finally let go and, like a fish that couldn't swim anymore, lay there with nothing around her. Alone. Weak. Tired. Powerless. Invisible. But she couldn't care anymore, not now, not ever._

* * *

"_Finn? This time it really is Santana. It's about Rachel. Please call me back as soon as you can._"

And the call was off. Finn had never heard Santana that devastated in his life before, and he cursed himself for forgetting his phone at home while he was at his parent's house. His heart was beating hard as he called her back while pacing around, silently praying that Rachel was okay, that this was just a terrible nightmare.

_Please God; don't take her away from me. I need her. Please._

_Shatter every window 'til it's all blown away,_

_Every brick, every board, every slamming door blown away_

_'Till there's nothing left standing, nothing left of yesterday_

_Every tear-soaked whiskey memory blown away,_

_Blown away_

* * *

**A/N: Soooooo… What's happening in New York? Any idea? **

**Again, any review, follow, favorite, or comment is appreciated. You can even send us feedback on our twitter account: ItsfinchelLove3 and DreamMeCory.**


	8. Let Her Go

**A/N: This time, the song used is **_**Let Her Go**_** by the amazing Passenger. I love his album! **

**As we've been saying in every chapter: thank you for the amazing reviews that we have gotten! We LOVE reading them and knowing where some of you are surprised and where some of you aren't. We repeat that everything or almost everything should be answered in this chapter, although maybe not clearly. Please let us know what are your theories by reviewing at the end. **

**Now, we have received a review asking us to do dialogues using quotation marks instead of dashes and an italic font style. Since you, the readers, are the one reading our story, we would like to know what you guys want. Therefore, here's our question to you: **Do you prefer us doing dialogues using dashes and italic (like we are currently doing), or do you prefer us doing it using quotation marks?

**Enjoy the chapter!**

**LET HER GO**

But you only need the light when it's burning low  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go  
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

- _Santana! What happened?_ As panicked as he was, Finn didn't even let Santana some time to breath: he wanted to know how Rachel was doing, and he was planning on getting his answers right now. _Nothing's wrong right? She's good, how-_

- _Finn! For God's sake, please calm down and let me talk._ She decided to stop him seeing as he was about to literally lose his head. This wasn't easy for her, but she also had to remember that Finn remained Rachel's husband, even if they were not together anymore. _I don't know much, yet. I'm not with her at the moment, okay? If she knew that I was talking to you right now, she would kill me for sure. Luckily for me, though, she's in no state for such a thing. _Santana tried to joke a little to lighten the heavy mood, but also to keep her emotion at bay. She had never felt so weak in her life and, truthfully, it wasn't something that she enjoyed.

- _Santana, tell me what happened please… I'm currently on the Internet to see when the next plane to New York is. _

- _I was with her this morning when she called you, then I left to go to work, but I told her to call me if anything was wrong since she was kind of tired and her forehead was burning. When I called her during the afternoon, she didn't answer and I knew that it wasn't normal 'cause, you know, she was still able to answer a phone at least, so I panicked, left work, and drove to her apartment. I received no answer and I couldn't hear anything. I called the firemen 'cause I didn't have the keys and, when they arrived, we found her barely breathing, passed out on the floor. I-I…Finn, I'm sorry I wasn't there_, cried Santana who couldn't get the images of her best friends passed out on the floor out of her head. She was so shocked that she could barely speak anymore. _I should have stayed with her, but-_

- _Santana, it's okay. It's not your fault. You can't babysit her all the time…Shh don't cry. Tell me what the doctors said, please_, insisted Finn, although trying to be nice at the same. Having to keep his cool was the hardest thing that he had ever done; he wanted to break everything around him just so that he would narrow the distance between him and Rachel.

- _They didn't say anything; it's been two hours and I'm still waiting for her to get out. They said that she must have caught a virus or something like that, but nothing too serious. I have to wait for them to give me news now_, wept Santana.

- _Okay, well, as soon as you know something you have to call me to keep me informed of her situation, okay? I'm taking the first plane back to Lima. Promise me that you will do it! _begged Finn.

- _I promise, don't worry. Come back soon, please, she needs you here even though she's too proud to admit it._

- _I know. I need her too. Thank you, Santana. Thank you for everything. You are a great friend._

They hung up at the same time and both pondered what had just been said. Santana felt a little awful lying to Finn, but she knew that it was for the best. The doctors were already quite sure of what she had, and that was what was scaring her the most. After having received the exam results and having analyzed the symptoms, they had come to the conclusion that Rachel had something way more serious than what they had first thought. Santana was cursing herself for not having noticed it before. However, as Jesse -who was one of Rachel's doctors- had said, it was not something that you could easily see, and himself was sad that he hadn't recognize the signs sooner. You actually had to perform medical examinations to see what the patient had; otherwise, he had to live with it his entire life. They had to remind themselves that they had been lucky enough to have found her before it was too late; the damages weren't irrevocable yet.

She hadn't told Finn the truth, because she had known that he would have gone crazy and, since he couldn't do anything while in Lima, the best was for him to only be notified of what was happening once he was back home. For now, though, Santana could only pray that the doctors were taking good care of her best friend and that she was going to be okay.

* * *

Almost on the other side of the country, Finn's heart was beating really fast as he was scrolling Internet to find the first ticket to NYC. Never in his life had he hated being from a small town as Lima as much as today. Unfortunately, the next plane was tomorrow morning and there was nothing that he could do about it; he simply had to wait. A part of him didn't know if he was going to survive; he _needed_ to be by her side. How foolish of him to leave her when she had passed out on their floor only days before! Why the hell didn't he take it seriously, he had no idea. Rachel had always been the strong woman that could handle everything. He was so used to it that he couldn't imagine Rachel being sick, or asking for help simply because she was tired.

_Calm down, breathe, and start to think._

As he couldn't go to New York yet, and seeing as freaking out wasn't going to change anything, he decided to go see his friends first in order to say goodbye. He would then go to sleep and leave for New York first thing in the morning.

Finn had never been a religious man, but, in the middle of all this, he found himself silently praying for Rachel to be okay. She only had a big flu and, in about a week or two, she would start working again. Yes: that was what she was going to do, he was sure of it. Plus, no matter what, he was going to be by her side. He couldn't leave her again, let alone lose her. She meant too much to him and not being with her right now was killing him.

He stood up, shook his head and left his house to go to his parent's. Once he arrived there, he didn't bother to knock as it was already 5pm and as he knew that his parents were home.

- _Mom? Burt?_ he yelled to see who was home.

- _In the kitchen, honey!_ answered his mom. When he entered the room, worry immediately appeared on her face at the sight of her son. He had never been that pale, and she wondered what could have been the cause of his impromptu visit. _We weren't expecting you. Why are you here, sweetie?_

- _I just wanted to kiss you goodbye. I have to leave tomorrow, mom. Rachel is in the hospital; I need to be with her._ He wasn't one to lie to his mom and, although he had decided that it was better for his friends not to know the real reason behind his early departure, he thought that he at least owed his mom the truth.

- _Oh, Finn. Nothing's wrong with her, right?_ asked Carole, a concerned look on her face. She had always loved Rachel and a part of her still believed in her and Finn's romance.

His mom stopped what she was doing and went to hug her son, slowly caressing his back just like she had done so many times when he had been younger.

- _We don't know yet, I'll tell you when I'll be home. Burt isn't home?_

- _No, he's working late. I'll tell him goodbye for you, though. Go rest, baby. And please stay safe. I'm sure everything will be fine, don't worry. I love you._

- _Thanks, Mom. Love you too._

He left, his heart tight and his eyes puffy. He hated having to say goodbye to his mom, but he had to. Sometimes, he wished that he were still her little boy who didn't care about the rest of the world. Withal, it was now time for him to see his friends for the last time. He hoped that they wouldn't be too mad at him for not staying as long as he had promised to, but he couldn't just wait here, doing nothing while the woman he loved was suffering in a fucking hospital with only her best friend by her side. He was so thankful for Santana at the moment. She was such a good friend to her and who knows what would have happened if she hadn't called Rachel to check on her.

No, he couldn't think that way. Rachel was going to be fine, she just had to. After all, he had left her no more than a week ago, her health couldn't have declined that fast. There had to be a good reason, something simple that would explain why none of them had realized that something wrong was happening. He was going to get on a plane tomorrow, meet her at the hospital where the doctors would confirm that Rachel had needed an emergency surgery due to an appendicitis or to something no worse than a flu. They would then go home and, this time, he would stay by her side and never leave her again. Ever.

Driving around Lima, Finn let his mind wander to many places filled with memories. The park, where he and Rachel would always go to make-out without being interrupted; the municipal pool where they had spent uncountable evenings and nights lying on the grass; Mrs. Donright's street where they would always make sure to shout or to talk loudly just to annoy the crap out of this old bitter lady; and, finally, the train station where he had once let her go. Thinking back to that specific day, he couldn't help but feel guilty again, even if many years had gone by and if he and Rachel had talked it through on more than one occasion. Every time that he passed by that place, he could still feel the sensation of her hand in his, asking him to stay with her, to let her love him. Yet, time hadn't changed one thing: he was still as certain as he had been years ago that he had made the right choice. Rachel was born to be a star, and asking her to put that on hold because he wasn't good enough to be in the same city as her wouldn't have been fair to her, but also to him. He knew that he would have spent the next thirty years of his life blaming himself for it –although it didn't mean that he hadn't cursed himself every day for the choice that he had made, and that _even though_ he had let her go.

At the beginning of their rekindle relationship, he and Rachel had had to learn to trust each other again. He had come back into her life thinking that she would welcome him with open arms as if they had never left each other's side. Unfortunately, everything didn't gone according to his plan. Obviously, he had known that they would have to talk about why he had decided to force her to leave for New York without him, but he had never thought that it could have affected her that much. She eventually let him in, but it took weeks before they started dating again. He had broken her trust and, although he kept repeating how much he loved her, her rational mind was scared to get hurt again. On the day that she finally surrendered to him, it felt as if his life finally made sense. The stars that had deserted the sky of life started shining again, and the endless night gave way to the playful sun. He and Rachel had enjoyed discovering each other all over again as if they had never met before. He had taken her out many times, each of them more original than the previous. As for her, she had been baking tons of banana bread for no particular purpose. She was just happy to have found her happiness back.

Their friends had quickly noticed a change in them. Finn's smile had reappeared and Rachel's voice had been even more beautiful than before. Where they would find one of them, the other was never too far away. Their hands were always touching, and it took them many months before they finally understood that people didn't necessarily like to be subject to their intense make-out session, except for Santana and Puck who had always taken pleasure in teasing them. One day, they had even walked in on the new couple going at it for what must have been the fifth time and, instead of signaling their presence, they stayed there until Finn and Rachel finally noticed them. There had been screams, yells, flying objects and, obviously, curse words. All of that from the lovebirds of course, as busy laughing their heads' off as had been their friends. At the end of the day, they had all swore to never publicly talk about it, but Santana and Puck never really respected the pact. Years later, during a national interview on TV, Finn's best friend dared to mention the incident and, as if it wasn't enough, finished with a wink in Finn's direction. Not to say that the humiliated couple had tried many times to get back at him, but nothing beat what he had done.

Reviving those funny memories in his head, Finn almost didn't see the stop sign, and he had to break at the very last second. A car behind him honked and, deciding that it was better to be civil, Finn pulled over to let him pass. Receiving a death glare from the furious driver, a chuckle escaped from his lips at the idea of someone being truly mad because of something as stupid as that. Every day, many persons' lives were like living hell; kids were getting beaten up while dark people still fought to be considered as equals to the others. Yet, many people were unable to realize that their life wasn't that bad when compared to other's, that they only needed to take some time to breathe if they wanted to see how fortunate they truly were. Sadly, very few were able to do so and many spent their entire life being pissed off and stressed out for no reason.

Lost in his thoughts, Finn hadn't realized that another car had pulled over right behind him. When he finally looked into the rear-view mirror, he saw Mercedes getting out of her car and heading his way. She had huge sunglasses on and an _I am who I am, if you ain't happy go 'way_ t-shirt. Her bag, which he guessed was from her new fall collection, was hanging on her right arm while her left hand was holding her phone. Slightly waving at him, she quickly finished up her conversation with whoever she was talking and opened the passenger door.

- _Finn. What are you doing here by yourself? Have you run out of gas?_ she asked. Sitting in the seat next to his, she looked at him, and he could easily discern worry on her face.

- _No, no. I was just thinking_, he casually replied. _Plus, I almost missed the stop sign and the person right behind me was just so pissed off, that I decided to pull over so that she could stop being angry 'cause of something as stupid as that. _

- _When was that? I've just talked to your mom and she said that you weren't answering your phone. She seemed worried Finn. What happened?_

- _Nothing. My phone's dead, that's all._

- _It's certainly not "_nothing,_" Finn! She was on the verge of calling the police! I had to calm her down and promise her that I would find you._

- _I swear, Mercedes. It's nothing worth worrying about. I've just decided to go back to New York, that's all._

- _Wait, what? Why? You've been having so much fun here, hanging out with the old gang and helping Mr. Schue with the Glee Club!_

- _Yeah I know, but I have things that I need to take care of in Lima._

- _Oh God, are you and Rachel getting a divorce? 'Cause I want you to know that I'll be by your side no matter what! And by Rachel's, too! It may be difficult for you, but you need to realize that high school romances are-_

- _We are not getting a divorce! Although we may be going through a rough patch right now, we are far from being divorced._

- _But I thought that you guys were getting a separation… Isn't that the same thing?_

- _No! Okay, maybe a divorce is like the next step after a separation, but still, we're not there yet. I just have to go back because…euh… of something with the team! The coach wants us to all be together before the next game, which will be held in New Jersey. And even though I have the next two weeks off, I'm still expected to attend. But I will be back, don't worry._

- _You're sure? You look a little pale. There's nothing else we should be aware of?_

Finn hated lying to his friends, but he knew that that was for the best for now. Himself didn't know much about what was happening with Rachel, so he didn't see the point of telling them things if it was to be denied later. No, he would just wait until he was at least by Rachel's side, and then he would call them to confess the reason why he was truly leaving today, if a reason there was. Because who knew: maybe this would be nothing and Rachel would prefer to keep everything to herself. Once you were famous, you had to be very careful with what you were saying and whom you were saying it to. Someone may be one of your closest friends, but there was nothing preventing him or her from relating everything that was being said between you two to a big magazine. Sometimes, you just had to accept that your private life had become way more private than before and that your public life now included your friends too.

- _No, there's nothing else. I was just about to go see you guys to say goodbye. But I guess that since you're already here, I'll just ask you to be the messenger. Can you do that for me?_

- _Of course, but I'm sure that Kurt will be disappointed. He was so excited to finally be back in Lima, and having you with him was just beyond his expectations. He loves Rachel, but, honestly, I don't think he's still rooting for you two to be together. And it's understandable, you-_

- _I don't care about what Kurt thinks. I have better and more important things to mind right now. Rachel and I are Rachel and I and whether we get a divorce or not, he should by both of our sides no matter what. Yes he is my brother, but he's also one of Rachel's best friends and I don't want him to let her down 'cause he's not able to be friends with his brother's ex. But for now we're still married, so there's no need for us to be talking about What Ifs. _

- _I know, Finn. And I don't want you to worry about anything. What you and Rachel have been through is horrible and I can only try to understand how you must be feeling right now. I'm sure the last thing you need right now is for your friends to pass judgments on your romance life._

- _Thanks, Mer. I really appreciate it. _

- _It's nothing. Now, when are you leaving? I want to know how much time I still have with my favorite quarterback before he has to go back to playing a complicated sport that I do not understand at all._

- _My flight leaves tomorrow morning._

- _Great! Then we still have a few hours ahead of us! What do you say we go meet everyone and then have some dinner at Breadstix? You cannot leave without seeing them!_

- _Sounds great._

Smiling one last time at Finn, Mercedes got out of his car and quickly got in hers. Starting up the engine, she left before Finn and beckoned him to follow her. They were the only ones on the road, but instead of feeling lonely, Finn felt complete. Mercedes had reassured him that, no matter what, he could always come back and that his friends would be there for him. They would help him without judging him. He didn't have to be scared anymore that they would feel like they had to choose between him and Rachel: his friends being the bests, they all knew better. Just because one star had divided into two didn't mean that the sky had to let go of one: it just had learn to live with one more.

* * *

Now sitting on a plane to JFK, Finn was trying to find something to do for the next three hours. Last night had felt great. His friends had taken him out to celebrate his departure and had wished him all the best with the team. Sam had even said that he would never talk to him again if he didn't return with an autograph from one of the hot cheerleaders, which earned him a smack upside the head from Mercedes. They had laughed all night long and, for a few seconds, Finn had even forgotten the real reason behind he leaving for New York. Unfortunately, someone had absently let Rachel's name slip and Finn had been back at worrying for the rest of the evening, putting on a laughing mask to hide his real thoughts.

However sad he was to say goodbye to his friends, he couldn't wait to be back by Rachel's side. Santana hadn't called him back since their last conversation on the phone, so he didn't know if his _wife_ was doing any better. He could only hope that the doctors would bring him good news and that they could quickly go back to their normal life. He had no idea if the separation was still effective, but he chose not to worry about if for now.

- _Excuse me, Sir_, said a voice beside him. _Are you all right?_

- _Euh, what?_ confusedly replied Finn. He looked around him, but notice that the woman could only be talking to him, as there wasn't anyone else behind or beside him.

- _I asked you if you were all right. You look kind of pale._

- _Oh. Yes I am. I just have a lot on my mind._

- _I can see that. You've been looking out the window for the past twenty minutes with a clenched jaw. I don't know who you are, but something seems to be happening. May I ask you why?_

He didn't know who was that woman, or why he was feeling that way, but she inspired confidence. She definitely appeared older than him and someone could easily mistake her for his mom. Her blue deep eyes reflected a spark of wisdom while the wrinkles on her face proved that she had seen the world and experienced a life that hadn't always been easy. Anyone else asking that same question would have seemed indiscrete, but not her. He couldn't exactly point out why, but the way that she had said it showed that a part of her truly cared about his problems, even if they didn't know each other at all. She was a complete stranger, but still, he was more than happy to talk about what was happening with someone other than God or his bedroom wall.

- _I, uh I mean my wife, is in the hospital. Well, she's not really my wife anymore, so it's kind of complicated._

- _Do you love her?_

- _What?_

- _Do you love her? It's a simple question asking for a simple answer: yes or no?_

- _Euh I don't know, we've been through some rough things and we've both changed, you know. We've recently decided to separate in fact and I-_

- _That's not what I asked_, stepped in the old lady. _Do you love her or not? You have to listen to what your heart is telling you, my dear. Dumb people use their mind while intelligent people know when it's better to stay clear of rationalism. I'm sure that you're not stupid, are you?_

- _You're right; I'm not. Honestly, I think that I still love her and I don't think that it will ever change. But she has hurt me so bad. How can I forget what she's done?_

- _You can't. Memories are there to remind you of what you've lost and of what you've won against. Erasing them would be like forgetting that you are alive and that you've experienced things before, I'm sure that's not what you want. Although it may hurt like hell, you must remember that the pain is there to help you enjoy happiness; they come hand in hand no matter how hard you try to separate them. You may not be able to forget, but you can always try to forgive._

- _I am, but every single time that I see her it's like someone in my head whispers to me and reminds me of what she has done, of what she took away from me. _

- _Has someone ever told you that we choose our own battles? That we can't fight them all, otherwise we'll die?_

- _Hmm yeah, but I don't think I understand what you're trying to say._

- _I'm trying to explain that this doesn't have to be difficult. I'm sure you have many things in your life worth you worrying, don't waste your time on something as simple as listening to your heart. You love her and that's the only important thing; the rest is just reasons to keep you away from your happiness. _

- _So you think I should just go for it?_

- _Totally. If you love her, then you have to be with her. Mistakes and memories are there to teach you lessons, not to prevent you from living your perfect life. You seem like a good man, why should you be logical and unhappy?_

- _How do you do it?_

- _How do I do what?_

- _Always say the right thing. We've known each other for no longer than ten minutes, yet you seem to know exactly what I have to do. How?_

- _Let's just say that I've had my fair of heartbreaks and issues. You'll understand too when you'll be my age, don't worry._

Smiling one last time, Finn turned his head towards the windows and absently looked at the clouds. Below him, dressed in a blue gown and lying in a white bed, waited the love of his life. He had to get to her, to hold her hand and to prove to her that he would never leave again. Ever. He had acted like a true coward when he had left and he was planning on making things right once and for all. In a few hours, they would finally be reunited and he couldn't wait. Nobody, nothing could ever break them up again. For the first time in a long time, he knew that everything was going to be all right. But was he right?

* * *

When Dr. Stevenson walked in, he noticed that Rachel wasn't alone in her bed anymore. Beside her lay a tall man that, he guessed, must have been her husband. Their hands were entwined and the girl's head was peacefully resting on the visitor's shoulder. He hated having to disturb that beautiful moment, but he simply had to. Sooner or later, they had to find out and, in that case, the sooner the better.

- _Hi_, he started. His tone was as neutral as possible, but it was hard for him not to show any emotions.

- _Doctor. Hi. How are you? This is my … hmmm… this is Finn_, said Rachel. Her doctor's voice had startled her and when came the time to introduce Finn to the man who had taken care of her in the last twenty-four hours, she found herself not knowing what they were exactly.

- _Pleasure to meet you_, smiled Dr. Stevenson to Finn. _I have to say that I'm a big Giants fan, so I always love meeting players, although a hospital may not be the perfect place for those kinds of encounters. Unfortunately, I'm not here to discuss the new season. I'm afraid I have some bad news for you._

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missing home  
Only know you love her when you let her go  
And you let her go

**A/N: So we hope that you've liked our chapter, and we would be truly happy if you decided to, once again, review and comment so that we could know what you guys actually think of our story. You can even send us feedback on our twitter accounts: ItsfinchelLove3 and DreamMeCory. **

**Now, like we said at the beginning, we would like to know one thing:** Do you prefer us writing dialogues using dashes and italic (like we are currently doing), or do you prefer us doing it using quotation marks? **It's up to you to choose!**

**Until next time!**


	9. All About Us

**A/N: So here's the next chapter! As always thank you for the reviews, we receive more and more each chapter and we couldn't be happier! We also almost finished to write this story so we now know how it's going to end, and I must say that you're going to love it!**

**We also listened to all your answers about how you want the chapter to be written, so we edited them so it's from now only quotation. We hope you'll enjoyed the story more this way. **

**By the way, we are feeling very honored to announce you that a few lines of this chapter have been written by the amazing writer Peyton4Life (I'm sure you already read her story otherwise you have to). It's the last part when Finn and Rachel almost, you know "did it". **

**Now...ENJOY !**

* * *

ALL ABOUT US

Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance

I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down

Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet

Give it a try, it will be alright.

Cause lovers dance, when they're feeling in love

Spotlight shining, its all about us

It's oh, oh, all... about uh, uh, uh, us.

And every heart in the room will melt,

This is a feeling I've never felt but,

It's all... about us

**Two days earlier…**

_Getting off the plane, Finn glanced one last time at the old lady that had probably saved him from a very serious depression. Her way of talking, of always answering the right thing to every single fundamental question had awed him and he couldn't help but feel reluctant about leaving her. What if once he got home, he forgot everything that she had told him, everything that he had decided? To stay by Rachel's side for the rest of their life was his biggest desire, but was he courageous enough? Would he be able to forgive her like his new friend had suggested he do? During the whole three hours that had lasted his flight, he had shared his time between looking at the clouds while imagining what his new life with Rachel would be like and worrying about his wife. The woman –he had later learnt that her name was Marissa- had noticed that worry had come back on his face even though he had seemed pretty sure of himself after their little talk, so she had, for the second time, turned off the TV in front of her and did the same with his. _

_For the twenty minutes that had followed, she had ordered him to narrate everything that had happened between them. At the end of his story, she had repeated the exact same thing that she had said earlier, hoping that he would finally see reason and realize that, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, they were simply made to be together. Love is like any fear: the more you try to push it off, to deny it, the more it comes to you and doesn't leave you alone, at least until you finally decide to face it. _

_As far as Finn was concerned, saying goodbye to that wise woman had been as hard as it had been with his friends. He hadn't cried of course –he was a man after all- but he had been close to begging her to come with him. She could be the one talking to Rachel, he was certain that she would do way better than him. Nevertheless, the moment where their paths had to separate still came and, hugging her to show her how much she had helped him, he had wished her all the best in her life and she had reminded him one last time that this battle wasn't a good one to choose. _

_He had then exited the airport and almost ran into a petite mom-to-be as he was trying to get into a cab. Luckily for him, the woman hadn't seemed offended at all and her hormones hadn't taken over her. Instead, she had laughed it away and joked that she hoped her baby wouldn't be as clumsy as him, but not in a mean way. He had apologized a thousand times, making sure that she was okay, and she even had had to emphasize that the cab driver wouldn't be waiting for him for so long so that he would finally get in, but not before giving her his phone number just in case that something would turn bad. Of course, he hadn't explained that the reason why he was so worried about her and her baby was because he had himself lost one; it would have just made this awkward._

_Once in the cab, he quickly told the driver to bring him to the hospital and to make it there as rapidly as possible. He didn't care if he got a speed ticket, he would pay it himself if he wanted; money was certainly not a problem. No, he only wanted to be by his wife's side before something happened. When he saw that the chauffeur seemed to recognize him and was about to talk about the new season or –since it was the press' new favorite subject- his marital problems, he instantly took out fifty dollars and gave them to him._

"_There. Now listen to me. I'm not here to make a new friend, nor am I here to talk about what my wife and I are going through. Unless you're actually our therapist –not that we are seeing one- I would like you to do what you're asked to and to stick to that. Bring me to the hospital, now. This is a matter of life or death."_

"_Yo dude, chill. What's happening? You seem more stressed than the woman yesterday that was in my cab and 'bout to give birth!"_

"_Yo dude, do I look like a fucking woman to you? Can't you just drive me to wherever I want, whenever I want to?"_

"_Fine. But if you continue to be that rude, I'll have to ask you to get out. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would like to be sitting where you are right now."_

"_Unbelievable" muttered Finn under his breath. He had never ever in his life seen a cab driver as impolite, ignorant and intrusive as the one owning the cab he was currently in. Ever. His wife was in the hospital, getting out of a surgery that could have gone right or wrong, but he was stuck in a freaking car waiting for a young man to finally start the engine. He didn't even know what Rachel had and was getting impatient, but starting a fight probably wouldn't help him. In fact, the best would have been to get out and walk to the hospital since it wasn't even that far way, but that meant having to face the paparazzi that would surely notice him and start to follow him. At least, in the cab, he was able to pass unrecognized and, hopefully, to get by Rachel's side without having a crowd of dozens of people around them._

_Eventually, about three or four minutes later, he felt the driver driving off and he was able to start breathing again. Soon, he was going to be holding the hand of the love of his life. He had missed so many things about her: her gentle touch on his skin; her tender lips on his; her soft whispers in his ears. He was eager to see her perfect face and to finally be able to kiss it. He had dreamt about that day so many times before now, although he had been afraid to admit it. Their situation had made it difficult for him, because he had been so broken that his dreams hadn't made sense anymore. Whenever he would wake up thinking about her hot breath close to his, he would always make sure not to see her for the entire day. In a way, it was kind of a punishment for him; a technique to teach him that she was no more a considerable option. He had been like a baby that you were trying to raise: if the child played with one of his toys when he wasn't supposed to, then you simply had to take it away from him. He had been the unruly kid while Rachel had been the object of desire. _

_Yet, it had taken him a long time to actually realize that a lot was necessary if he wished to entirely break it off with Rachel. The tether was too strong for any ordinary man to cut it on his own and, obviously, he hadn't had any of the tools that could have helped him. Thus, going back to Rachel was easy. Love had never faded away and, although he was afraid to be rejected, he wasn't going to let his fears take control of his life. If they had made it that far, it was because God -or whatever was watching over them- had wanted them to weather the storm. No, he was going to be strong and tenacious and wouldn't let anyone or anything prevent him from his happy life –as had said Marissa. And if Rachel said no, which could happen, although it was pretty improbable, he was just going to have to sleep outside of her hospital door to show her how much he was counting on being by her side for the rest of their life._

_When he saw the tall, white and lifeless building standing in front of him, he took out his wallet and gave the driver twice what he was supposed to. Beside the fact that he had been more than disrespectful with him earlier, he had still taken him to the one current important place in his life. Plus, he knew that Rachel would still have wanted him to be the bigger man and to act as a "_gentleman._" So, in order to make her proud, even if she wasn't there to acknowledge his good action, he put 75 dollars in the chauffeur's hand and got out. Almost forgetting his only bag in the boot of the car, he quickly picked it up and placed it on the sidewalk. _

_Staring at the edifice before him, he couldn't believe that in only a few minutes, he and Rachel would finally be reunited. There was no coming back. If he was to enter, it meant that he wouldn't have the chance to escape. No, _escape_ wasn't the right word. Run away. Going in meant never going out; however tough it was to forgive her, no matter if what she had was serious or not. Was he ready for that? To welcome her back into his life? To let the one person that had ever really hurt him in?_

**Still two days earlier…**

"_Oh my God. Rachel" said Finn the second that he saw his wife. Running toward her, he took her hand in his and gently kissed it. _

_Seeing her lying in the hospital bed now was even worse than when he had come back to be notified that not only was his wife injured, but he was also not going to be a dad to the unborn child that he didn't even know existed. She looked so pale, so weak, so powerless. A glass of water was standing on a small metallic table next to her, but it appeared untouched. Her eyes were close and, just like he had done with her hand, he softly put small kisses on each of her eyelid, careful not to wake her up. If what Santana had said was true, she really needed the rest. Up until now, he had been sure that she was only suffering from a virus and that, in a week or so, everything would be fine. But now that she was actually in front of him, a virus seemed to be last on the list of things that could have attacked his Rachel. _

_He desperately wanted to know what she had. He _needed_ to know what was making her so sick if he wanted to take her pain away. She had suffered enough the last year, why did she have to be the one who wasn't feeling well again? Everything would be so much easier if he was the one dressed in a horrible blue gown. She wouldn't have to suffer and he would finally pay for what he had done to her. Leaving her was unfair and he couldn't help but feel guilty now. Maybe,_ maybe_ if he hadn't left, then _maybe_ he would have noticed sooner that something wasn't right. _Maybe_ then they would have gone to see a doctor and _maybe_ would she be at home right now, watching cartoons with a daughter that _maybe_ they would have had. _

_Feeling her awaking, he turned his face toward hers and looked at her in the eyes. A spark of love had lit a fire in his stare and he was sure that he was discerning the same passion in hers._

"_Hey. How are you feeling?" he asked, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before locking eyes with her again._

"_Great, although I'm still a little weak" she replied. She quickly diverted her attention and scanned the room as if searching for something that didn't seem to be there. Not finding what she was looking for, she looked back into Finn's eyes and felt the tether growing stronger. What are you doing here? I told Santana not to call you; there's absolutely nothing for you to wor-_

"_Please stop, Rachel. I want to be here. And don't be mad at Santana; she called me 'cause she knew that you needed me as much as I needed you. I may have had fun in Lima, but once I knew what was happening with you, all of that went away. I couldn't just stay there waiting for her to call me to inform me about your health. No, I'm your husband so I finally decided to act like one."_

"_Oh Finn, you didn't have to."_

"_That's where you're mistaking. I needed to be here. You're my sun, Rach. I cannot live without you, I can only pretend to. Going away was the biggest and stupidest mistake that I ever made. A woman on the plane –I'll tell you about her later- was wise and nice enough to talk some sense into me. She made me understand that I cannot break that tether, no matter how hard I try to. You and me, we're endgame, whether you like it or not."_

"_I love you" whispered Rachel, tears in her eyes. She was now realizing that the only reason why the last year had been hell was because she hadn't had Finn, her Finn, by her side. But now that he was back, she knew that they were ready to face anything; as long as they stayed hand in hand, nothing could ever hurt them. They were Finchel; they were unbreakable._

"_I love you too" said Finn while pushing Rachel to the left so that he could lie in the bed with her. Now that he had her heart back in his hand, he never wanted to let go of it ever again. Instead, he embraced her in his arms and rested his head on hers. Smelling her strawberry shampoo, he smiled at the many recollections of nights spent in that same position that started occupying his mind. He felt Rachel starting to doze off and he gently rubbed small circles on her skins. He wanted her to get some rest and he remembered that she had always loved sleeping close to him; she used to say that she could feel when he wasn't next to her and that she'd wake up instantly knowing that something was wrong._

_Just when he was about to fall asleep too, a man came into the room and Rachel jerked awake from what he hoped had been a beautiful dream. _

"_Hi" the man started. Dressed in a white smock and a very large notepad in his hand, Finn was ready to stake his life on he being Rachel's doctor. He was handsome, had brown hair and deep blue eyes… Not that he had any reason to be jealous of him of course. After all, what he and Rachel had was greater than any young and gorgeous doctor. The man's tone was as neutral as possible, but Finn could easily noticed that his hands were intensely sweating and that there was something in his eyes, something that usually wasn't a good sign._

"_Doctor. Hi. How are you? This is my … hmmm… this is Finn" said Rachel. Her doctor's voice had startled her and when came the time to introduce Finn to the man who had taken care of her in the last twenty-four hours, she found herself not knowing what they were exactly. _

"_Pleasure to meet you" smiled Dr. Stevenson to Finn. I have to say that I'm a big Giants fan, so I always love meeting players, although a hospital may not be the perfect place for those kinds of encounters. Unfortunately, I'm not here to discuss the new season. I'm afraid I have some bad news for you._

_Of course he had. He should have known better; God simply couldn't give them a break. When he wasn't trying to break them up, he was busy sabotaging their perfect plans for a life just as perfect. Whenever they were actually starting to feel fulfilled, complete and at peace, something just had to meddle with their happiness and there they were, back at square one. _

"_What is it, Doctor?" nicely asked Rachel, although she was starting to become fed up with all the issues that seemed to dwell in her everyday life. _

"_As we discussed earlier, the tumor found close to your heart could either be benign or malignant. Benign -if you don't know- means that it isn't cancerous and that we only have to take it off. On the other hand, malignant means that it is cancerous and that the patient has to go through some chemotherapy treatments."_

"_Please cut that crap, Doctor" rudely said Finn. Not only was he starting to get anxious, but the fact that it was taking days to know what Rachel had was annoying him more than anything. Is it or is it not malignant?_

"_Yes, yes it is. I'm sorry, but the results showed that it is indeed a malignant tumor. I'm so sorry."_

"_Oh my God" was the last thing that could be heard before Rachel fainted. She had thought that her whole world had come to an end when Finn had left her alone in the city, but this? This was far worse than anything that she had gone through before. She knew that she wasn't strong enough to climb that mountain and that however hard she would fight, she would still end up losing Finn and everything else in her life. Her dads, her friends, her career, her fans, her house, her dreams, her future: she could just say farewell to all of that right away. _

**Present time…**

Finally: they were able to go home, to leave this tall depressing building behind them. Just like a real and caring husband, Finn had stayed by Rachel's side the last two days, only leaving to go grab lunch or to pick up some clothes. However, he couldn't help but worry every time that she had been out of his sight. He needed to be with her just to make sure that she didn't need anything, or simply to check if she was still very much okay. After his talk with Marissa, this kind of behavior coming from him had become quite normal; a reflex, he could almost say. Every single word that his savior had said had been true. His feelings for his wife hadn't disappeared, though they had been hiding deep inside him seeing as the pain and hate had taken over his heart for a while. Yet, he now knew what was really important to him and he swore to himself that he would never let that go again. Ever. One doesn't give away his happiness if he wishes to survive.

"Finn, can you hand me my coat, please? I don't want to get cold. You have no idea how happy I am to sleep in my bed tonight, wrapped in my own sheets! Seriously, these ones are hideous" said Rachel who was finishing to pack her bag.

"Sure, here you go. I'm glad too, but I just hope that it won't be too exhausting for you to come back to the hospital every week for chemo" answered Finn while helping her to put on her coat.

Hearing his words, Rachel turned towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist to look at him directly in the eyes, her chin on his chest. His smell was doing beautiful things to her and she really thought for a moment that everything was okay. Unfortunately, that moment didn't last long and she was soon brought back to reality. As sad as their situation was, she needed him to stay strong and to stop worrying constantly about her. If what she needed to do now so that Finn would be back to his normal self was to pretend to be strong and optimistic, then that was what she'd do.

"I hope so too, but, like the doctor said, I'm a miracle and as long as I follow what this cute guy orders, I can only get better. I do believe I'm going to make it though, I can feel it. At least now I know why I was so sleepy" joked Rachel to lighten the mood.

"Huh, I don't think he's that cute!" replied Finn while poking Rachel's nose with his.

"Well, I gotta admit that I'm glad you don't think so, otherwise I would be quite angry to know that my husband finds a man attractive. Really, you cannot imagine how relieved I am, Finn, thank you" she laughed before standing on her tiptoes to peck his lips. It felt good to be able to do that after all the time that they had been apart. It may have been the thousandth kiss that they had shared since he had come back from Lima for her, but it still felt as extraordinary and new to her. When she released him, she smiled shyly and grabbed her bag, but Finn was faster than her and took it before her hand was able to reach it.

" Finn Hudson! I am not a cripple; I can totally carry my own bag!"protested Rachel.

"Yes, I know that you are not a 'cripple' but you're my wife and I want to help you carry your bag. Oh, and you don't get to argue about it. At all. Love ya!"

On that note, he left the room, leaving a very much in-love Rachel smiling dumbly to herself. She couldn't deny that his actions had affected her. Even though she was still intrigued as to what had made him changed his mind so quickly, thinking about something as heartbreaking as their separation wasn't going to help her, so she decided to stay positive instead. She then looked one last time at the room that she was leaving behind before turning off the lights. Walking with confidence and strength, she decided not to think about what was to come. She had a battle to win and she sure as hell was going to be the winner. Never in her life would she let people see the vulnerable side of her, at least not if she could help it. In the hallway, she caught sight of Finn talking to Dr. Stevenson and walked up to them.

"So, Rachel, I was telling Mr. Hudson that you have to come in next week in order to pass some tests and to start your first round of chemotherapy. Oh and from now on, you have to stop working and start resting as much as possible. As you can see, in two days, you've already lost 10 pounds due to the surgery that took a lot of out of you. The only thing you can do now to help is sleep and rest. But don't worry; it will be easy since you will feel really tired because of your body trying to heal and to cope with the medics that you have received. And don't forget to eat four times a day, at least. Even if you're not hungry, you have to eat. You can walk a little in the park to keep your muscles healthy and moving, but only walking; don't do anything that could wear you out too much. And if you feel anything wrong, you can either call my assistant Jesse St James, whom I heard is a close friend of yours, or me. Did I make myself clear?" instructed Dr. Stevenson with a serious tone that she wasn't accustomed to.

"Yes, of course. Thank you very much. I will see you next week then" answered politely Rachel while taking Finn's hand in hers.

"Goodbye, Doctor" said Finn. He opened the door and lead Rachel to his car, ready to bring his wife back home. His wife. Wife. It was good to finally be able to call her that; he could easily get used to it again.

Once they arrived home and entered their future shelter, Rachel let out a breath that she didn't even know she had been holding and started to cry when she ultimately let herself think about the months that were to come. Her bag fell on the floor and, with it, her body and good spirit too. She collapsed and allowed the sobs to get the best of her, feeling already tired. Finn, who hadn't been expecting it at all, was shocked, but still found the strength in him to rush by her side. He softly took her in his arms and tried his best to comfort her.

"Rach, what's wrong?"

Okay, maybe this had been a dumb question to ask to someone who had cancer, but his mind wasn't working properly and he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I-I don't know if I can do it, Finn". One minute she was ready to conquer the world and the next she wanted it be over. Her brain was making her crazy and she didn't know what to feel or think anymore. Finn lifted her chin and turned her head toward his, forcing her to stare into his eyes.

" Listen to me, Rachel Barbra Berry-"

"Hudson" quickly interjected Rachel.

"Hudson. You can do it. You're the one who has taught me that we can do anything we want to if we want it enough, right?" said Finn, using a tone meant to comfort her first and foremost, but ending up reassuring himself at the same time.

"I know, but I was talking about our dreams when I said that. This is cancer, Finn. People die every day because of it! And it's not breast cancer, or skin cancer or leukemia; it's a fucking cardiac can-"

Before she could start saying things that didn't make any sense, Finn interrupted her rant.

"It's the same thing, baby. It may be scary because you don't know what will happen, but believe me when I say that everything will be fine, okay?" He kissed her forehead and, eventually, felt her relax a little.

"What now?" she asked hopefully, with a smile starting to form on her lips.

"Well first of all, you're going to go to bed to sleep and dream of anything but of what is or could be related to the news that we got. Then, you're going to wake up even stronger than before –if that is possible- and you're gonna fight this cancer with every fibers of your soul and a smile. As for the days when you'll feel weak or at least not as strong as usual, I'll be there by your side, helping you beat that thing. And once you'll be healed and cured, you're going to win another two or three Tony Award and show everyone on Earth that you, Rachel Barbra Berry Hudson, can still sing and perform as good and perfectly as before, even when a cancer is trying to bring you down. In your acceptance speech, you'll even confess to the world that you love Finn Hudson till the end of time. I know that too" cockily smiled Finn before helping her standing up.

"Well, you're building quite a bright future for me there, Mr. Hudson. Gotta admit that I'm glad that I get to have you by my side if you're a such a good psychic and if you can actually see all of that happening to me!"

She tried to playfully push him with her hips as a joke, but she was still too tiny and weak and he was still… well…Finn, so he didn't even move an inch.

"Hey! Don't even try it; you know you don't have enough strength in you for that!" laughed Finn, taking her in his arms to walk her back to her room. Once he was in front of the bed, he dropped her on it and smiled at her face that showed childish surprised.

"Finn! Can't you be more gentle? I have cancer, remember?" she said, rolling on her stomach.

"Aren't you the one who told me that you weren't a cripple?" Making sure not to crash her, he lay beside her and admire her beautiful face.

"Urgh! You're not playing fair right now!"

"Sorry babe, but I never said I would" teased Finn.

"Haha. Aren't you funny?"

As they were both on their sides, they smiled at each other for a few minutes, each remembering the reasons why they loved the person before them so much and looking into each other's eyes as if it was still the first time. Finn softly caressed her hips and took her hand in his to enlace their fingers together without breaking eye contact.

"Hey" he said, their noses almost touching.

"Hey."

"You're beautiful".

"Thank you, you not too bad either" whispered Rachel, bringing her only free hand up to his face to tenderly stroke his cheek.

"Do you mind if I kiss you now?" he asked, closing the small distance between them without waiting for an answer. He pressed his lips against hers and let out a sigh of content, pleased to have her back in his arms. He slowly turned them over so that she was on her back while he was on top of her. He pushed his tongue against her lips for entrance and, once she let him in, he slipped his tongue into her mouth. It was slow at first, but then it became passionate: Finchel was back. With one hand behind his neck and the other one on his cheek she savored the feeling of being loved.

He lifted his lips from hers and turned his face towards the hand holding his cheek, placing a tender kiss to her palm. Hearing her soft sigh, he smiled against her hand before he moved his lips down her arm, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake.

"Finn," she breathed out softly as his head settled at her throat. Her back arched from the bed as he sucked at her pulse point.

"Rach," he mimicked, glad to have her whole and in his arms again. He smirked as he felt her hands moving restlessly over his shirt before he sat up and tugged it off, helping her sit up for a moment so he could remove hers, aching to feel his skin against hers. "You're so beautiful."

She pulled him back down to her as she laid against the pillows, rolling to her side to press against him. She felt his hands rubbing up and down her back as he placed a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes fluttered closed and she lightly kissed his chest, just above his heart. Lifting her face she pressed her lips to his, their moans intermingling as their hands continued to languidly stroke each other.

Breathing heavily, he pulled back from her kiss, resting his forehead against hers. He continued rubbing her back, sensing her relax under his touch. Rubbing gently, he shifted, unsure if he should move or not.

"Don't you dare even think about going to sleep in another room than this one, now" she said when she felt him move.

"Yes, Sir" smiled Finn into the darkness. He embraced her into his arms, ready to cuddle with his favorite woman, and kissed her hair one last time before feeling her starting to drift into a peaceful sleep she deserved so much.

Right now, with his girl asleep into his arms, he had a feeling that he was getting his old life back. And this feeling was here to stay.

* * *

**Happy? Sad? Angry?Relieved ?**

**Tell us everything we want to know ahah :D BTW I (DreamMeCory) started my own Finchel story so if you haven't read it well, you can do it now, it's called Into The Wild and i posted it under this username!  
**

**Until Next Week !**


	10. Fix You

**A/N: Hey everyone! So it's Saturday and you all know what this means: we are finally updating our story! Here's the tenth chapter (Ten already?!) of Just Give Me A Reason. **

**As usual, we would like to thank everyone who has reviewed. Unfortunately, we have received fewer reviews than usual, but we do hope that you still like it. Don't be afraid to tell us if there are things that you are not fond of, just because the next chapters are already written doesn't mean that we cannot change anything. And remember that you can always send us feedback on our twitter account: **ItsfinchelLove** (me) and **DreamMeCory** (the other author). It is a pleasure for us to be able to read your comments.**

**As you may have noticed, we've decided to go with what you wanted and to write our dialogues using quotation marks instead of dashes. Once again, don't be afraid to tell us if there is anything, and I really mean it, that bothers you with our writing skills. There is always room for improvement, after all. **

**This chapter's title comes from a song that I personally really love. It is called **Fix You**, and I'm pretty sure that you all know whom it is from. I'll tell you anyway: Coldplay. The lyrics are just so beautiful.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Glee or anything related to it, and the song used in this chapter isn't by us.**

**Enjoy!**

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**FIX YOU**

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_When the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

A week later, the situation still seemed surreal to Rachel. Whenever she would wake up, she would always go through a few minutes where she didn't know who she was, or even what was happening to her. Embraced in ignorance, her name was unknown, her surrounding spectacular, and her life more than perfect. One morning, she could be a teacher in Paris dating a tall Italian guy while, the next day, she could be living the life of a chef in Brazil's most famous restaurant. She was Claire, Laurie or Edith: all as different as the others. She could be a lesbian, straight, a transsexual, a mom, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a friend: she could be anyone, but her. Then, just when she would start to actually believe her dreams, Finn's arms would bring her back to reality and she would remember that no, her life was far from being wonderful. A wave of nausea would take over her and she would find herself on her knees in the bathroom. Holding her hair back, she would wish that she were still Jane, the girl in San Tropez.

The image reflecting in the mirror was miles away from her old self. She had lost a lot of weight and was now just the shadow of herself. After only a week of chemotherapy, her beautiful brown locks were already starting to fall off and her skin was as pale as a ghost's. She wouldn't dress up anymore or even put on make up. What was the point of looking good after all? She was taking two to three showers a day because of all the vomiting and, when she wasn't cold and wrapped in four blankets, she was on the couch in only her panties and bra because of the heat. Her mood was down and, while she was thankful for Finn, she knew that he couldn't completely understand what was happening to her. She loved him more than life itself so she was trying her hardest to stay strong in order for him to stop constantly worrying about her. She knew that all this wasn't fair on him and that he deserved better, but, at the same time, she also knew that the only way for her to get through everything was to have him by her side. Thus, she made sure to thank him every single day and not to fall into the pattern of a sick wife: _a wife, with or without cancer, is the same freaking thing._

The day after they had gotten the news, she had immediately called Sophie –her manager- to announce her the news. As Rachel had expected, her agent hadn't believed her at first and had even repeated many times that this wasn't a joke to make. After three or four minutes, she had finally accepted the truth and had come to the conclusion that her health was more important than a play. "Do not worry about anything, Rach. I'll call your director and tell him that he'll have to find a new lead. And if he's not happy about it, I'll just hand him your doctor's phone number. It should shut him up pretty fast. Now, I have to hang up 'cause I want you to go lie down right away," she had said, reassuring her at the same time that she would stop by during the day to make sure that everything was fine. She hated letting people down, but it seemed like the only bearable option at the moment. Her doctor had precisely told her that she couldn't work anymore. Plus, although she knew that her play needed her reputation and worldwide career, she couldn't bring herself to do anything that wasn't related to lying and/or sleeping.

For the last week, Rachel had received many visitors, all of them bringing more _Get Well _and _Stay Strong_ gifts than the previous ones. Finn had eventually called his mom –who had then called everyone in Lima- to inform her of his wife's health, while Rachel had called Santana, sobbing into the phone. Fifteen minutes later, her best friend had been pulling over and climbing the stairs faster than a mama bear trying to protect her child. She had flung open the door and ran up to Rachel, taking her into her arms at the same time. She had stayed by her friend's side for the evening, only leaving to greet Finn who had been coming back from an important meeting with his coach. Obviously, Rachel had been far too broken and sad to confess what was happening, so it had been Finn who had -after making sure that Santana was comfortably sitting on a chair in the dining room- had to explain that what the results had shown hadn't been pretty _at all_. Even though she had known that Rachel had a cardiac tumor, she had been sure that it was benign, seeing as nor Finn, nor Rachel had called her after the surgery.

She had yelled, of course. She had cried, too, and hadn't stopped saying that the doctors must have had interchanged Rachel's biopsy with someone else's. "No-oo! I'm gonna go over there and prove to you that all this is just a big mistake! I-I'm gonna go all Lima heights on God's ass, I swear! This can-cannot be happening! Why Rachel? Why her?" Finn had tried his very best to calm her down and to comfort her, just like he had done with Rachel a few days prior. He had said over and over that it wasn't a mistake and that just because Rachel was sick didn't mean that she wasn't going to survive the ride. As far as he was concerned, she wasn't dead yet. She was still his wife and there were many things that he was counting on doing and experiencing with her. Yes, the Mount Everest had doubled its height, but it was still a tolerable climb for anyone that had the proper equipment and surrounding.

When Santana had finally regained her composure, he had looked at her in the eyes and told her one simple thing that changed her way of seeing things, "Rachel's path hasn't crossed the cancer's; it's the cancer's that has crossed Rachel's. This fight is just like any other that she has to win every day." Thanking him and putting on a shy smile, she had stood up before reentering the living room. There, the Latino had found her best friend peacefully sitting on the couch, her eyes close as if she was sleeping. Admiring her from where she had been standing, it had been then that she had started to figure out what Finn had really meant with his weird metaphor. Rachel was the strongest and most courageous woman that she had ever met. She couldn't even recall a time where her petite friend hadn't acted as if she was seven feet tall instead of only a little bit over five feet.

Suddenly, a weird memory had flashed into her mind and made her smile brighter than usual. _Two years ago, Rachel had just learned that she was nominated for another Tony awards and had decided that it was finally time to celebrate her career. Since Finn had been out of town for a game, she invited Santana, Quinn and Kurt for a girls –and gay- night out. She had worked so hard the last eight months that, on that special night, she wanted to get drunk and was planning on achieving her goal. Around three hours later, when they were all on the dance floor, except for Rachel who was talking to Finn's voicemail, a weird guy, who must have had started to feel wasted long before then, approached her and brusquely placed his hand on her ass. She quickly turned around and, as nicely as her drunken state allowed her, asked him what the heck he was doing. He replied that God gave him all the rights to innocently flirt with a woman that, beside from being famous all over the world, was hotter than the devil itself. After six or seven minutes and the worse pick up lines that Rachel had ever heard, when he still hadn't given up and walked away, she casually threw her pink martini on his white shirt and said "_Oops, I guess I just got distracted when I fell from heaven_" before making an exit worthy of Rachel Barbra Berry. During her next interview on TV, when Ellen Degeneres asked her what had happened back then, she stuck to the simplest answer someone had ever seen in that kind of case: "_I just thought pink was his color. Too bad he didn't seem to think the same._"_

* * *

When Santana had left her daydream, she had been sure of one thing: Rachel was going to make it. The world needed her; they all required the light emanating from that star, the comfort propelled by that voice and, first and foremost, the laughter and happiness provided by that warrior. Quickly, she had wiped off a tear that had slowly and secretly started to make its way down her cheek. Crying was for the weak and she couldn't let Rachel see how vulnerable she truly was. Instead, she had made her way toward her best friend, planted a soft kiss on her sleepy head and, deciding that she needed all the rest that she could get, exited the penthouse. Ten minutes later, a ringing phone had startled Finn who had been starting to drift off. He had reluctantly answered it and had smiled when he had recognized Santana's voice. She had called to remind him that he was to make sure that Rachel didn't needed anything and that now that he was back home, he simply couldn't leave again. Not now, not ever. He had assured her that he wasn't planning on acting like a coward once again: if Rachel could be strong, why couldn't he?

After that day, everyone had been notified of Rachel's current health problems. Everyone, but the press of course. That was yet to come and there was nothing that Rachel was dreading more. She knew that her fans would be behind her through all this and that they would all send her love, hugs, and kisses, but she was also aware of the haters. Surprisingly, a part of her already knew what they were going to say, "She deserves it. Her voice has made our lives hell for so long, her time has come to suffer;" "I'm sure that it's just another publicity stunt!" "Cancer? Poor little girl! People in Africa don't even have enough money to pay a doctor and she's gonna complain that she's losing her beautiful thousand worth hair?"

Her doctor's indications were still clear in her head and she was certain that worrying about shitty people's opinion wasn't part of the very few authorized activities. "_Let's see: walk, sleep, lie down, eat. Nope. Not on the list._" Using this as an excuse, she kept postponing the fatal date and, therefore, was driving her agent crazy. Indeed, it had arrived to the press' ears that Rachel wasn't doing as well as before. Some magazines were saying that her separation from her husband had led her to a severe depression, while others were speculating and even affirming that she was suffering from anorexia, a rumor based on the fact that she had admitted years ago having tried throwing up once back in High School. Yet, seeing as her friends and family had been nice enough not to talk to any media, they had no proof whatsoever of what they were writing about and people were slowly, but surely starting to believe that she was just tired of always being compared to the most beautiful women of the industry. Plus, however hard she tried to fight it, she sure as hell was going to have to confess everything one day. She couldn't keep pushing off the inevitable.

* * *

Today marked the two weeks anniversary of the worst day of her life –if you could call that an _anniversary_. For the last week or so, she had been planning the memoir of her short life, careful not to let Finn find out about it. It was short video messages that she wanted to give him if and when she would be on the verge of dying. She wanted him to know that there was nothing in the world that she wanted more than a family with him. She _needed_ him to know that she now understood how selfish it had been of her to prevent him from his happy ending, but that, just like he had asked her to, she had finally found the strength in her heart to forgive herself. She loved him more than anything, and she knew that it was completely mutual. Nevertheless, her possible death shouldn't forbid him from meeting someone new that could give him what he wanted the most. She wanted him to know that he had the right to build a completely new life after her, if he wanted to; she was always going to be watching over him and his children and would make sure that he was happy. She would love his new girlfriend, or even wife, and would help her win his heart. He had to let her go, and she didn't want to say farewell to the love of her life without he knowing that it was okay for him to get up again.

She was in the middle of recording the fifth video when she heard Quinn walk into the penthouse. Quickly, she hid the camera and threw herself under the covers so that her friend wouldn't realize that she had been doing anything else than sleeping. She noticed some tears that had started to run wild so she brushed them off, hoping that her visitor wouldn't acknowledge her red eyes. Her steps were becoming closer and closer and she knew that it was only a matter of seconds before she would be standing in front of her. She thought about the last time that she had come over with Puck and, after recalling the more than awkward conversation that she had had with Quinn, she chose to close her eyes and fake being asleep.

It was not that she didn't want to see her, far from that. She wanted more than anything to be able to laugh with Quinn as they used to before or even to reprimand Puck for his crude choice of words. She wanted to be with her friends to forget that she was sick, but it was like she was asking for a miracle that simply could not happen. Last time, Puck had spent the whole time talking with Finn about football without cursing even once when she perfectly knew that, usually, he would have said _fuck_ and _shit_ just to annoy the hell out of her. On Quinn's hand, Rachel could detect guilt coming from her close friend. Whenever she would start talking about Quinn's plan to get pregnant and start a family with Puck, a hand would quickly shut her up, "I'm not here to talk about myself, Rach. Let's talk about you. How are you doing?"

But, you see, that was the exact problem and the reason why she was now faking being asleep. She was tired of talking about herself. _How are _my friends_ doing? What's happening _outside_ of my house?_ That was what she was craving. Every single day, she was alone or with Finn and, although it was great to have her husband back, Rachel felt as if she was missing so much stuff. All the news, all the moments making up memories, all the things that she could no longer be a part of. She knew what was happening with her and how she was feeling; she now needed to be informed of her friends' lives.

When the door softly cracked open, she turned around so that her back was facing the visitor. She may have been a good actress, but she knew that Quinn would have noticed something weird if she had seen her face. Instead, she just heard the faint sound of the door closing as delicately as it had been open and the small steps slowly retreating toward the kitchen. She then recognized Quinn's voice and what she thought was her pronouncing her name. Feeling kind of tired, she gradually got up and walked toward the door. She grabbed the handle and carefully turned it. She sat against the wall and listened to their conversation.

"How is she doing, Finn?_"_ She heard Quinn ask. "Oh well you know, she's still dealing with the news," her husband replied. "She's so strong, though, like I don't know how she does it. She's my rock and I try to be hers, but it's so goddamn hard! I cannot help but be afraid that she'll leave me. I-I can't live without her, you know."

She could only imagine the tears streaming down her husband's face and sobs started escaping her mouth. She placed her hand over her face to silence the sound coming out and stared back at the hallway. Why hadn't he told her how scared he truly was? She was his wife and it was killing her to hear him admit all that to someone that wasn't her. But, once again, she needed to be the strong one, so she forced herself to listen to everything that was being said. She was tired of being treated like a porcelain doll. She could take the truth, she was sure of it.

* * *

She slowly stood up and entered the room where they were talking. She couldn't hide forever and she might as well show herself to others now that she had heard everything that they had said. She walked up to Quinn and kissed her on both of her cheeks, with a shy little smile.

"Hey Rachel, it's so good to see you! I was actually just talking to Finn about you!" said her friend, hugging her at the same time.

"I know Q, everyone who comes over is here to talk about me so it's nothing new_,_" she answered. Rachel hadn't meant to sound so harsh and rude, but it was the truth and she thought that people deserved to know what she was really feeling, outside of the courteous and ordinary response that she was usually giving.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it that way," apologized Quinn, taken aback by Rachel's reaction for a moment. The latter shrugged a little and rested her back on Finn's chest. Then, she noticed the barely there baby bump that was forming underneath her friend's clothes and quickly forgot everything that was on her mind.

"Quinn! You either took all the weight that I lost, or you failed to mention that you were pregnant!" exclaimed a suddenly very happy Rachel.

"Well, I was planning on telling you today, beautiful. I am indeed 4 month pregnant now!" replied Quinn, overjoy showing in her tone. Rachel, who was pretty ecstatic about the news, went to hug her best friend for the second time.

"This is crazy, but it's so great Quinn. You're going to make such a wonderful mom, and I can already imagine Noah being all nice to your child. Oh my god; this is so great! Is it a boy or a girl?" asked Rachel, jumping around while clapping her hands.

"We don't know yet, but we want it to be a surprise, so you better be there while I'll be screaming in the hospital room!" warned Quinn, glad to see her friend's face finally light up.

"Don't worry about it, Finn and I will be there. It will be a good training for when I'll be the one giving birth, right Finn?" she asked while turning her head to look at her husband who just smiled back at her. He hadn't seen Rachel this happy since they had left the hospital, and seeing her react this way to the news of her friend's pregnancy was doing magnificent things to his heart. As Rachel had said earlier, they would be in the very same situation again one day, but the bump would then be on her belly instead of on Quinn's; he was absolutely sure of it.

"Yes, we will. And, hopefully, Puck will be there to give me all the tips on how to handle a pregnant woman," laughed Finn before kissing Rachel's forehead.

"Oh yes he will!" chuckled Quinn. "He's already complaining 'cause I woke him up at two in the morning as I wanted strawberries. He's the one who did this to me and I'm the one who has to carry his child all day long for the next few months, so he has absolutely no reason to complain. None. Seriously, the men nowadays are unbelievable! That's why, my dear Rachel, I need you and Santana to come help me buy pregnancy clothes tomorrow. And I won't take no for an answer."

"Well, then I guess I'm going to say maybe," half-joked Rachel since the only thing that she truly wanted was to stay hidden in the safety and calm of her house.

"Nope, no maybe either. Only yes," rephrased Quinn, confused as to why her friend didn't seem more excited about the prospect of what she had proposed. "Quinn, I can't," begged Rachel.

"_Why not?"_ interrupted Finn. It was now his turn to feel intrigued by Rachel's reaction. As far as he was concerned, she had always loved shopping with her girl friends and had never declined an offer to do so for an entire day. "Yeah, why not?" tried Quinn.

"You must all be blind,"_ started Rachel, _"'cause I look absolutely awful! I don't have any hair left on my head, and I look scrawny, even if I eat like a hippo. Plus, I can't stand on my two feet for more than an hour.

"Oh Rachel. So you look awful? You're still our Rachel. You may not have any hair left, but isn't that exactly why you have a wig? Beside, don't worry about you feeling exhausted; we will stop and rest as soon as you're tired. Please Rachel, do this for me. You'll see, it will do you good, too; you can't stay in your house all the time," elaborated Quinn. She was trying her very best to hear a _yes_ out of her friend's mouth without having to force her to say it.

"Quinn's right," nodded Finn in agreement. "Finn!" groaned Rachel, annoyed that he wasn't even on her side. "Sorry,"he murmured, although he was not sorry at all. He wanted his wife to start being her old-self a little bit more, and he had to admit that even though it happened rarely, he was now standing on Quinn's side.

At the same time, Quinn's phone started to ring. She looked at the caller ID and, when she saw that it was Puck, stood up and made her way toward the door. "I have to go guys. I'll come by tomorrow morning to pick you up, Rach," she yelled. Without even waiting for an answer, she waved and left, closing the door behind her.

Rachel then turned toward Finn with a not so serious look on her face. "You think your little "intervention" with Quinn was funny, don't you?"she asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I loved it. I'm being silent and I don't even say a word, but still: it's like I'm telling and explaining my point of view at the same time. I love it! She was right and I'm so happy that you're going with her," said Finn before leaving to start making dinner.

"Hey! I've never said that I was going! You both just assumed it," argued Rachel. "Well," replied Finn, "you know that you can't get away with it, Rach, and I'm sure that it cannot do you any harm to breathe some fresh air with your friends."

"I know that, Finn, but the paparazzi will see me… And-" she tried to say, but was quickly cut by her husband who was planning on letting her win this _discussion_. "Who cares, Rachel?" he asked her. "Live your life like you used to before the cancer and let them write whatever they want to."

"I look horrible, Finn," she said in a barely audible whisper.

"No you don't, you look beautiful," he reassured her. He slowly took a step toward her, looking into her eyes to make sure that she knew that he wasn't lying.

"You're a liar, and I don't like you lying to me," pouted Rachel. He lightly kissed her on the lips to shut her up. "I'm not." Another peck.

"Yes you are," she continued to say." I see myself in the mirror every day, you know." As much as she wanted him to understand what she was implying, she let him comfort her. His warmth and love were very much welcomed right now seeing as she was feeling insecure about going out under the light and stare of the entire world.

"Maybe," he admitted,"but you don't see yourself like I do. When I look at you, I see this strong woman, insanely hot, with a caring heart and a flawless soul. I see the woman that I love fighting this battle. And when you smile, I think that even though you don't have hair, even though you're skinny and all, you're still as beautiful as before, if not more."

"I'm not that strong," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck to play with his hair.

"Yes, you are," he stated. He then decided to kiss her deeply just to prove his point. It started slowly and softly; he was just enjoying her lips on his, the wonderful sweet taste that she was leaving in his mouth with every move of her tongue. Her lips had always been warm and smooth and he deepened the kiss, trying to pour all of his love in it. His hands lowered to her waist and he grabbed her thighs to place her on the kitchen counter, already forgetting the food that he was supposed to prepare, lost in the small kisses that he was laying on her neck. He heard her gasp a little when he found the spot that he knew very well was driving her crazy. On her side, she was trying her best not to let her emotions take over her, but she was really self-conscious and it took a lot of strength out of her to push Finn away.

"Babe, please stop," she demanded_._ She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't feel like going any further. She couldn't help but think that he was doing this just because he had to and not because he really wanted to. At her request, he immediately stopped his actions and looked at her swollen lips.

"Why?" he asked. "It's been so long and I really need you, Rach." He tried caressing the side of her waist to see if this could make her changer her mind, but, unfortunately, this trick wasn't working on her.

"_I want you too, Finn, believe me, but I'm tired. I'm gonna go rest on the couch while you're making dinner, okay?"_ She pecked his lips one last time and climbed off the counter, leaving a confused Finn behind. He didn't understand why she didn't want to do anything, but a big part of him was too scared to ask her about it. Since she had learned about the cancer, she hadn't wanted him to touch her. He was only allowed to kiss her and to take her in his arms at night, but every time that he had tried to do more, she had always seemed to find an excuse. He didn't and couldn't blame her though; he just wished that she would be more honest and tell him why. Staring at her retreating figure, he promised himself that he would talk to her about it, tomorrow. With one last sigh, he turned around and started making dinner.

* * *

Alone, on the couch, Rachel's guilt was starting to get the best of her. Nonetheless, her realistic and rational mind was screaming at her that she had no reason to feel that way: she was doing the right thing. She wanted him so much, but her body looked horrible and she certainly wasn't sexy at all. Who would want to have sex with a skeleton, right? Finn deserved better. "He deserves better," she thought to herself.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

* * *

**A/N: I hope that you've loved this chapter and that you are looking forward to the next one that will be posted next Saturday. **

**Please review –even if it to say something negative, we always accept constructive criticism- or send us feedback on our twitter account: ****ItsfinchelLove3**** (me) and ****DreamMeCory ****(the other author). We would love to know if you are still interested in our story… Until next time!**


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